The Disturbing Adventures of Rúmil and Kaye
by Kaye Thorn
Summary: I have an elf. I'm insane, he's completely bonkers and isn't who he seems… These are our scary abnormal experiences.
1. One: The Elf and the Girl

One: The Elf and the Girl

A seventeen year old girl sits in a chair, her attention focused on the laptop in front of her. Her fingers flutter over the keyboard, her blue eyes intent on the screen as her thoughts flow. Letters steadily appear on the screen.

"The Disturbing Adventures of Kaye and Rúmil."

Suddenly out of nowhere a hand comes over her shoulder and claws at the keyboard. Her words instantly disappear with a few taps of the delete key. The culprit's dark haired head obstructs her view as he begins to covertly type something.

"Hey!"

His head turns toward her, a wince on his face, and his hands now held over his pointy ears.

"Kaye, I requested that you not scream in the presence of my ears," he groaned.

"Sorry, sorry. You're an elf, and have very sensitive hearing, and so on," she answered flatly.

"Apology accepted," he said.

Grinning, he gave locked her in a creepy suggestive stare at point blank range.

"Don't do that," she said, swatting him away. "That always freaks me out."

She caught sight of her computer screen as he moved his head. It now read:

"The Disturbing Adventures of _Rúmil and Kaye_."

Kaye muttered it over to herself, and then smiled. "That does sound better."

"Is this some sort of log?"

"Oh it's a "log" all right," she said, giving him an evil look. "Rúmil, every thing you and I do is getting put in here."

"That's Elf abuse."

"Like you haven't committed author abuse?"

"I never-"

"Yes you did,"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"How about that first day we met?"

Rúmil gave her an expression of shock. "Well any elf would have had a similar reaction if they'd been in my boots."

"I remember everything."

"Well it was only several weeks ago-"

"SHHHH RÚMIL. I'm trying to-, ah forget it. They can just read about it in the next chapter."

"Who is "they"?"


	2. Two: Hello

Two: Hello (Part One)

The backyard was wide and hedged in by many tall trees and evergreens. Their leafless branches clustered together over the edge of a high wooden fence, slightly swaying with the wind. This all surrounded plantless flower beds, and a sweeping space of green tinged lawn. It was almost spring and only 50 some degrees outside, yet a girl was sitting in the middle of the grass.

Kaye Thorne's feet were propped up as she lounged in the lawn chair, and scratched at a notepad with a pen. One of her dogs, a white poodle mutt, lay in the grass by her feet, drowning in the sun that burned overhead. She wore only a Notre Dame hoodie and shorts, which ordinarily would mean she was in a relaxed mood. It was quite plain by the tap of her pen on the pad and twirling of her hair in a finger that she was frustrated.

"What do you think, Lucky?" she asked the dog.

For an hour she'd been sitting there writing a story, but for the last twenty minutes, had been stuck on a particular paragraph. Each sentence attempt she read out loud to her dog, hoping that it might sound good. The response to this sentence was a yawn from Lucky, and a tired flop sideways.

"You're no help buddy."

"Well you should hardly expect an answer from an animal."

"My story needs something, I was-"

She gasped, turned around in her chair quickly, and promptly fell out of it sideways. Standing in the grass behind her was a random guy.

"Why are you in my yard, whoever you are?" she demanded.

"I have not the answer," he answered.

"What are you, a fortune cookie?"

He blinked and looked at her blankly. "I am an Elf."

"Your name is Anelf?" she asked with surprise. "That's uh-, very unique."

"No, my name is Rúmil."

"But you just said your name is Anelf!" She crinkled her forehead in confusion.

They stared at one another in puzzled silence, until it seemed to dawn on the stranger.

"I see… My real name _is_ Rúmil. I am one in the race of Elves from Arda."

To his surprise, Kaye burst out laughing hysterically.

"Right-, and I'm the-, Queen of England-," she choked out.

Then to her surprise, he bowed low, then sank to one knee. Kaye immediately stopped laughing.

"I have no knowledge of your land. Please forgive me, my lady! It should've come to me that one so fair was of high birth-"

"Quit fooling around," she said dismissively.

There was no response, he only gave her a submissive look, and remained kneeling.

Her eyes widened in shock. "You're not joking are you?"

"I would not dare mock one who sits on a throne."

She clapped a hand to her forehead and began pacing around in front of him.

"You can't be an Elf. You can't seriously think-. You must be trying to trick me."

An accusing finger was thrown in his direction.

"I do not lie, my lady," he responded seriously.

"Prove it." She looked at him contemplatively. "Hmm. If you're an Elf, you'll know what I'm saying. (Sut naa lle umien sina re? How are you doing today?)."

"Amin naa quell, diola lle. (I am good, thank you)."

Desperately she stared at him, not wanting to believe what sounded too true. He had long straight dark hair, several small braids running through it, and he wore a strange shirt and leggings. Cautiously she came closer to the still kneeling male. Now it was noticeable that a quiver of arrows was strapped to his back. Her hand snapped out, and she lifted a section of his hair, gently on the pointy ear she found beneath it. _It was real._

She dropped his hair with a squeak, and he gave her a concerned look. "Are you all right?"

"So-, you're-, you're-, an-, e-, Elf," she stuttered. _There! She admitted it!_ She began walking back and forth again. "A real live Elf. Rúmil? Rúmil of Lórien? Eh?"

"I am not Rúmil of Lórien," he answered, and got to his feet.

"HA! YOU ADMIT YOU LIED!" Kaye yelled in triumph.

"Please do not yell in my ears. We elves are very sensitive to sound."

Taking in how tall he was, she said sheepishly, "Sorry."

"As I said before, I am who I say I am," he continued, and then seemed to become loftier. "Rúmil of _Valinor_ at your service. Inventor of the written letters, and author of the Ainulindalë!"

"You're an Elf author?" she asked. "Then why are you here?"

Rúmil thought for a few moments before he answered her. "Well you are an author too, am I correct? And in particular, a fan fiction writer."

"Yes, Kaye Thorn the fiction author at your service," she said buoyantly. Then she eyed him suspiciously. "Wait…how'd you know that?"

"I listened to your conversation with your animal for nearly an hour. And in my land, we know of your kind."

"Stalker," she muttered. "So how exactly did you get here?"

"The Valar may have had some part, but… Your author sort have interfered much too often in Arda. I think all the meddling may have caused a tarnish or portal somewhere, even as far west as Valinor."

"I'd think Middle-Earth would be utterly twisted then…but maybe while the books still exist, your world can go on? I have no idea what I'm saying?" she jabbered.

"What are these 'books'?"

"Whatever. You're probably right oh wise elf," she said restrainedly.

Suddenly "Hedwig's Theme" began playing from her back pocket.

"Valar, portal-" she muttered while reaching for her cell phone.

It stopped ringing the minute she got it out, and she squeezed it in frustration.

"Darn it whoever…" she trailed off and glanced up at Rúmil to talk to him again.

She jolted in horror. He was aiming his bow and arrow right at her!

"AHHHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she shouted hysterically.

"What is this evil?"

"It's a phone!"

It began ringing again, startling him and causing both elf and bow to concentrate on it. Noticing his distraction, she hurled it into the air, and made a break for it. No arrows came flying after as she sprinted for the tallest oak tree, and swiftly scrambled up it. As she sat in the branches shuddering, the phone stopped ringing, and the elf took his attention from it. He gazed around the lawn, as if looking for her. To the scared author, he rather seemed like a predator trying to stake out his prey…

Her tree caught his eye, and he instantly spotted her. "Lady Kaye?" he called, coming closer.

"Stay away," she squeaked.

He didn't listen, and when he was a foot from the tree trunk, Kaye began chucking acorns repeatedly at him.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Stop! Ow."

Kaye couldn't help hyperventilating, and she scolded him. "You Ow. crazy Ow. Elf!"

"Tula dad! Come down! Ow."

"N'diole lle, dolle naa sarn!! No thank you, your head is of rock!You tried to OW! kill me- AHHHHHH!!"

An infuriated squirrel suddenly jumped out at Kaye. She lost her balance and fell out of the tree. She fell onto Rúmil, and knocked him flat onto the ground.

"Ouch…." Rúmil gasped.

From above came the angry chattering of the squirrel.

Kaye gazed down her grimacing rescuer, and took pity. "You saved me! Aww, poor Elf," she chirped, and then promptly squeezed him.

"Get off, choking- can't breathe-"

"Ok sorry," she said, and promptly rolled off him.

"Thank you," he said, gulping in air.

He sat up completely straight, then smoothed down his shirt, which was now full of dirt.

"My tunic," he grumbled to himself.

"It's uh only a little dirt," she said warily, hoping he wasn't too angry.

"Little" was a bit of an understatement. The Elf was attempting to pick out pieces of dirt hopelessly embedded within his clothing. It was especially bad on his back, where she'd squished him to the ground.

"Ok, maybe it's a lot of little dirt," she said, and partially turned away in embarrassment.

Rúmil looked up at her, and scratched at dirt around his nose with his fingers.

Kaye saw this out of the corner of her eye, and shrieked. "Are you _picking you nose?_ An elf?"

"I told you my name is Rúmil!" he retorted.

"I know it is," Kaye replied coolly.

"Then why did you call me-"

"_I said_," she interrupted. "I can't believe an elf would pick his nose."

"I WAS NOT PICKING MY NOSE, OR ANY SUCH THING," he responded indignantly. "I was merely thinking, and attempting to remove the filth on me from stopping your fall."

"Well sorry," she said, holding up her hands in a peace offering.

"That word is your favorite isn't it? An author should have a more extensive and learned vocabulary," he said bitterly.

Kaye glared at him menacingly, causing him to quail. "Let's pretend I didn't hear you."

She observed him further, and then smiled at his frazzled condition. "I suppose we should get you cleaned up."

He dismissed her help with an arrogant shake of the head, "No thank you. Just gesture towards the nearest river."

She stared at him in disbelief. The nearest body of water would be Lake Michigan 3 miles east. But are you nuts? It's too cold out for swimming."

"Elves do not mind the cold. But that twas not what I intended," he said gruffly. "I was thinking to take my clothes _off first_."

"Not something I'd want to see," she mumbled. I heard that. "Besides that's probably illegal. Unless you escaped from Area 51 or belong to a nudist colony or something I guess."

"I doubt there will be a problem," Rúmil answered, obviously confused by her reasoning.

"Oh yes it will," she said, straightening up. "Just follow me."

Gesturing in the direction of the house, she grabbed her notebook and stood beside the door. Hesitant yet seeming like a lost puppy, Rúmil followed.

"Stop," she commanded as he reached the sliding door. Her finger pointed at his back. "Bow and arrows now, or I'll take your clothes here and leave you naked in the yard.

"Why?"

"Just DO IT," she said sternly.

There was no way she wanted to find out his reaction to much bigger and louder things than her cell phone. Grumbling he handed it over, and went in the open door.


	3. Three: Ideas

Three: Ideas (Part Two)

Kaye slammed the door shut as she came in, and smiled as she saw Rúmil. He was standing in the midst of the kitchen, staring at his surroundings. Sunlight streamed through the tall windows, bouncing off the tile floor, and various modern appliances. He slightly stumbled backwards, staring at all of them. Instinctively Rúmil's hand went to his back; but he remembered that Kaye was the one holding his bow and arrow.

"Perhaps you should renturn that to me," he said pleadingly, pointing at the quiver in her hand.

"No," she said sharply. Seeking to distract him, she asked, "So what do you think?"

"Of what?"

She swept her hand around the room. "My house."

"You live in this strange place?" he replied in shock.

"Yes, obviously," she said.

"Everything seems disfigured here, even your dining table." He pointed at the round table.

"That's uh very interesting," she lied.

He narrowed his eyes at her, but said nothing further on the topic. "Why did you bring me here?"

Kaye motioned for him to follow her. "Come on." She led him into a room just off the kitchen. "Welcome to the laundry room. Where your filthy clothes are going to get cleaned."

"Why would you wash clothes in here? There is no water or tub." He swiveled his head around, clearly not knowing about the big white washing machine and dryer in the corner.

"Oh, there's probably a lot you don't know about these things," she said with a sigh. "Just get undressed in here while I get some clean clothes for you."

He looked at her quizzically, shrugged, and then smiled. "You are most kind, Lady Kaye."

"No problamo," she said with a smirk, but suddenly frowned. "Just don't touch _anything _while I'm gone, or you will be sorry."

Scurrying out, she shut the door to give him some privacy. On the way upstairs, she passed the second floor where the office, bathroom, and bedrooms of her sister and mom, were located. She ran up to her bedroom on the isolated third floor, where the guest rooms, and smallest bathrooms were too. Under the bed she tucked the quiver, and headed then for the opposite wall. Quickly she walked into her closet and underneath her pile of shoes, found "the box". It took a moment to free it, rummage through, and find the-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kaye jumped and banged her head on the overhanging shelf. The girlish shriek sounded like it had come from downstairs. Nabbing her recovered items, she sprinted and tripped some on her way down the stairs. In the kitchen, she found the laundry room still closed, but loud gasping and pounding were issuing from the other side of the door. Confused, she opened the door, and almost was run over by the terrified elf that flew past her into the kitchen.

Not bothering to look at him, she stomped into the laundry room to see what had driven him nuts. In the corner, was a whirring noise, made by the washing machine that was now _on. _

"Rúmil!" Kaye shouted in exasperation. "DID YOU FOOL AROUND WITH THE WASHING MACHINE?"

"Waw-shing ma-khing?" came an innocent reply. "Maybe- uh no I did not."

"Never mind," she said, examining it. "You didn't do anything bad. But you should probably change out there now."

Her arm reached and ruined the washer dial to "off". She went out to the kitchen to lecture him, but stopped in her tracks.

"Oh my god," she shrieked.

Standing in the middle of the floor was the elf, with no boots, shirt, and halfway through with the removal of his pants. Startled, he looked up and smiled at her, thus breaking her horrified stare. Kaye dropped what she was holding, and turned around, hands over her eyes.

"Ewwww…Elf porn! I did not need to see that. Put these on!"

She flung a North Face fleece, baggy jeans, shirt and belt over her shoulder in his direction.

A minute later he said, "Please help."

"Are your pants on?" she asked sternly.

"Um, yes."

Slowly she turned back to him, and opened her eyes. He did have the shirt and jeans on, but he was still fumbling to get his pants closed. She didn't want him to walk around with his fly open, and resolved reluctantly that she'd have to help.

"Here," she croaked. "Let me do it."

He stopped, and watched Kaye come closer, and close his pants and belt.

"There you go," she said in relief, looking up at him with a grin.

"Your husband does not mind my having his clothes?" he asked with sudden concern.

"Uh, I'm a little young to be married."

"You do not seem so young, Lady Kaye," he said with surprise. "There is an ancient light that glows in your eyes-"

"Lying suck up," she interrupted, and stepped away. "You can keep the clothes."

"Are you still sure? If not a husband, then your father might object?"

Kaye averted her eyes. "I don't have a father, he um died."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah thanks," she said suddenly, then pulled on his shirt to bring him closer. "No one will object to you, because no one knows you're here, and no one _will._ Not even my sister, and especially no my mother. You," she said, pointing him in the nose. "Have to stay hidden. No one can know about you, or I'll be in for stress and duress, and you will be sliced open like an alien." Her hand dramatically cut through the air like a knife, and the Elf's eyes went wide. "You were wondering whose clothes I gave to you? My ex-boyfriend's. I kept them for my scarecrow when we broke up."

"Must I wear them?"

"YES. Otherwise people would stare at you, and for my sanity I don't want you walking around the house nude."

"I would not be so sure," Rúmil said evilly. "I noticed the look I received when you saw me in that condition. Few females have eyed me like that."

Kaye grimaced. "I was not 'looking' at you. I was just shocked to see an elf standing half nude in the middle of my kitchen. And ewww, are you coming onto me?"

"Don't be mistaken, you are-"

"You know what? Just please shut up. I need to think."

She picked up his clothes off the floor, and went to the laundry machine.

"Where is my clothing?" Rúmil asked worriedly as she came back empty handed.

"In the wash. Now let's go upstairs and try to figure a way to get you home," she said.

Taking his hand, she led him up the stairs toward the office.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Ok disclaimer time! I own me, and Rúmil, except for his name.

Rúmil: That belongs to Ilúvatar.

Kaye: Nooooo….

Rúmil: The Valar?

Kaye: No.

Rúmil: The Noldor?

Kaye: No.

-Ingwë?

-No.

-My mommy?

-No.

-My daddy?

-No.

Rúmil: WHO THEN?!_ hyperventilating_

Kaye: Whoa don't break anything Rumy. Your name and the Elves belong to Tolkien, and the nickname belongs to me. (Sorry if it's been mentioned anywhere, I've never heard it.)

Rúmil: I do not belong to anyone! I am my own being.

Kaye: Right, and I am the president.

Rúmil: _kneels_ My lady!

Kaye: I said to stop that.

Rúmil: Well get a new line.

Kaye: I will, but you can't make me.

-Rúmil: Can too.

-Can not.

-Can too.

-Can not.

-Can too.

-Can not…..


	4. Four: Around the House

Four: Around the House

Kaye squished Rúmil into an office chair, and for nearly three hours, sat there with him, thinking. Her watch beeped at five o'clock, and the elf jumped in a fit of anxiety. Recovering himself, he tapped Kaye on the shoulder, whom seemed to find the wall very interesting. She turned from the wall to see what he wanted.

"My return home does not seem possible at the moment."

She sighed, and looked him over once. "I couldn't come up with a plausible solution either."

Rúmil stood up. "Well then, I must go. Thank you for your hospitality."

She perked up in surprise. "Wait, go where? I though you didn't know how to get home?"

"I do not, but I've overstayed, and it is necessary to find a way on my own."

She stood up too, not believing what she was hearing. "It's unlikely you'll find a way home here, or in a corn field for that matter. Master Elf, you are staying here, with me."

"You are kind but-"

"I am not letting you leave this property. You dropped in on me, and its your job to stay here until a way home comes up."

"If you wish it to be so, my lady."

"I do."

"Okay," he said with a grin, and plopped back down in the chair.

Immediately his stomach let out a loud empty gurgle, and Kaye heard it.

"Would you like something to eat?"

"I would appreciate it."

"Follow me," she chirped, and pulled him toward the stairs.

Forty minutes later, both of them were sitting at a fully set dinner table, getting ready to eat. She sat across from the elf, watching him examine the glass of milk, and poke tentatively at the spaghetti and garlic bread on his plate.

"Try it," she suggested, smiling.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked with an eyebrow lifted.

"You're so confounded that it's adorable," she answered. "Don't worry, I didn't poison it."

He gave her one last glance, and picked up his fork. After several attempts and slippery tries, the spaghetti was finally on his fork, and he slurped it into his mouth.

Sauce encased his mouth, and his eyes lit up. "This is fairly good."

"Thank you."

"It's quite unusual, but-"

"Oh no!" Kaye said, noticing it was six o'clock. "Rúmil, take all of your dinner and come with me."

He seemed confused, but did as he was told, trailing her upstairs where they stopped in her room. She opened her closet door, and gestured him inside.

"Why is this necessary?"

"My mother is supposed to be here in several minutes. Stay in here, don't touch anything, and be quiet."

"May I still eat?" He sat down and peered up at her expectantly. She nodded, and thus encouraged, he rook a big bite of bread, grinning up at her like a cheeky squirrel.

"Awww," she said, and shut the door.

Simultaneously, her dogs began barking as the front door opened, and she heard the voices of her mother and sister. Quickly she scrambled downstairs to greet them. She found a tall brown haired woman putting away her coat, and a bouncy twelve year old with braids, swamped by all three of the dogs. Kaye nabbed Eris the Irish Terrier off of her sister, but promptly tripped over Lucky the poodle mutt and landed on her back.

"Hi Kaye."

Her sister's face appeared above hers, wearing an amused grin.

"Hey Holly."

"I smell food," Holly said excitedly. "What's for dinner?"

Kaye got to her feet, and held up Eris. "This dog."

"No really," her sister squeaked, beginning to bounce on the tips of her toes.

Letting go of the dog, she surveyed her sister with a wary look. "Whoa…Ok who gave you sugar _this time_?"

"Julie." Her sister patted the side pockets of her pants, which were obviously bulging with candy.

"Don't eat anymore of that, you probably won't be able to eat dessert now."

The girl's eyes flew open. "You didn't make Garlic Bread did you? Cause I wouldn't have-"

"No, but if the Cubs win I will. Then we can stuff ourselves and watch the game."

"That's an evil bet, you know they should lose," Holly groaned.

"My dear sister, you know very well that I've done this before. I'd say your brainwashing is coming along very well."

An evil smile appeared on the girl's face; she immediately dug in her pockets, and held out a fistful of candy. "Bet you five bucks and a fist of sugar the Cubs lose."

"Deal," Kaye said with an arrogant nod, and reached for her sister's hand. "I'll take that now since that's bet I'm going to win-"

"Girls!" interrupted their mother. Both of them froze and innocently gazed at her. "Kaye what did I tell you about gambling with your sister?"

Kaye bawked and said resentfully, "Are you kidding? This shrimp has cheated me out of a hundred bucks, _twice_!"

"I am not-"

"Holly, go upstairs and wash your hands," her mother commanded.

"Yes Mom," the girl grumbled, and stomped toward the stairs.

When the girl was out of earshot, her mother faced her. "Kaye, I do smell dinner. You didn't have to go through so much trouble."

"Mom, funny thing is, it never is too much trouble for me to take time out of my day to do it. Things like that seem to be hard for you though."

The woman slightly frowned. "I know I promised to take off and do something with you since you had the day off from school. I was called to the office last minute; there was a strange accident on that expressway by our office building."

"Mom, it's okay," she said, losing her resolve. "I understand that your being a journalist requires you to sacrifice a lot. Please understand that I have had to take care of Holly for the last five years, and am so used to it, that it's become my responsibility."

"Well, at least you've had a lot more free time since she joined the team at school-"

Holly appeared abruptly at the foot of the stairs, breaking off their tense conversation.

"You two fight like a couple of old ladies," she snickered.

"We weren't," Kaye lied.

Her sister wrinkled her nose. "Don't act like I'm so little. I'm old enough to know what's really going on."

Her older sister shook her head. "Uh huh. So that's why you're down there-" she lowered her hand to Holly's height, then raised it high above her own head. "And I'm up here."

"If being up there makes you so amazing," Holly smirked. "Then why do I get the best table spot?"

Without warning, the two sisters broke for the dinner table, and simultaneously sat in the same chair. Holly ended up under Kaye.

"Argh, you mean teen! _Get off me_," she moaned. The older girl did not move. Jokingly Holly called to their mother, "MOM! KAYE'S SITTING ON ME!"

"Oh, but I was trying to squish you," Kaye hissed. "I have quite a taste right now for a _kid's meal_!!"

"AHHHHHH-"

"Girls," scolded their mother as she came in the kitchen. "Sit down and eat."

"Alright, don't get your underwear in a knot," Kaye grumbled, exchanging a regular chair in place of her "Holly seat".

Halfway through the meal they began discussing their day, and Kaye of course left out information regarding Rúmil's arrival.

"-then I made dinner and read a book upstairs."

"Sounds fun," Holly interjected sarcastically.

Their mother leaned forward. "Guess what I happened-"

"**BURRRPPPPP!"**

A loud belch echoed from the floors above. Kaye dropped her fork in horror.

"What in heaven's name was that?" asked her mother in astonishment.

Anxiously Kaye fidgeted and sat up. "Oh! I left that movie on, stupid me! I'll go turn it off."

"**BUUURRRPPPPP!"**

"Please do," her mother said, covering her ears.

"Sounds cool," Holly piped. "Can I watch it with you later?"

"Um no," Kaye said, leaping from her table and running for her room.

She slammed her bedroom door behind her, and flung open the closet. The Elf was sitting on her floor, holding a cleanly licked plate. He looked up at her expectantly.

Resisting the urge to scream, she asked seething, "Rúmil why the heck did you burp? How the heck did you burp that loud? Especially since you're an Elf?"

" It's one of my talents."

"Or you just have the gross abilities of the male race," she snapped. "I wouldn't surprised if you could honk with your armpits- but that's not the point. Remember, quiet or-"

She made slicing motion in the air. His eyes opened wide, and she closed the door.

At eight o'clock, Kaye returned to her room to spend some time with the Elf, who was likely still sitting in her closet.

"Rúmil," she called softly as she opened the closet door.

No answer came, and she turned on the overhead light. She saw him curled up on the floor rug, with his head on one of her handbags, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Rúmil?" she asked worriedly. He didn't answer, but an ear twitched.

"You faker, c'mon get up," she said expectantly.

He remained that way. Fear rising in her that he might be dead, she shook him roughly. "Rúmil! Wake up!"

Immediately he blinked, and she fell over in alarm. The elf groaned and sat up.

"My lady? What's wrong?"

"Oh," Kaye said, embarrassed. "I um, thought you were dead or something. Suffocated by a stupid author in her closet. What an obituary that would've been."

He let out an amused snort, and she squinted at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he chuckled. "I was not dead, but merely asleep."

"You sleep with your eyes open?" she asked, flabbergasted.

"Yes, all elves do."

"Whoa that's scary," Kaye said, and stood up. "Let's get you out of this closet."

"I am permitted to leave?" he whispered, leaping up.

"No."

"I must," he said with a hint of panic. "I have business to attend to."

"Like what?" she asked suspiciously.

Rúmil scuffed the carpet with a foot. "I need to pee."

Her eyes went wide. "Holy crap! Wait, are you housebroken?"


	5. Five: Toilets and Hairbrushes

Five: Toilets and Hairbrushes

"Wait are you housebroken?"

Rúmil looked at her confusion. "No, I'm assuredly not, that."

With a nervous squeak, she grabbed his shirt and dragged him down the hall. Once they were standing in front of the toilet, she let go, and pointed to it and the toilet paper.

"Uh aim you uh stuff for the center of this, and wipe off with this."

The elf bent over to examine the toilet, and then shook his head.

"What do you mean no?"

"I refuse to soil a precious object in your house for my own sake. I still may make it to a bush outside."

"Uh Rúmil, you're supposed to do those things in it. That's what it's made for."

He gawked at it. "That is very odd, but still-"

"Elf! If you don't use it now, I will pull your pants down and make you sit on it until something drops out!"

"You are very abusive, but persuasive," he grumbled, and started to undo his denim.

Kaye nearly shrieked. "Dear god wait until I'm _out _of the bathroom."

She scurried out of there and slammed the door behind her. Several minutes later, a soft knock came from inside the bathroom, and the knob jiggled.

"I've completed my task."

She stepped aside then peeked in, and saw the elf standing in the middle of the floor, staring at the toilet. It was obvious that he'd even closed his pants by himself.

"You see that metal thing sticking out of the side of the toilet? Pull it."

Hesitantly he leaned forward and pushed it down.

"Whoosh!"

"Whoosh!"

"Whoosh!"

"Whoosh!"

"Ok that's enough Rúmil."

"Whoosh!"

"Rúmil-"

"Whoosh!"

"ELF!"

"Whoosh-"

"Who keeps flushing the darn toilet up there?" bellowed her mother from the next floor.

"Uh sorry mom, it wouldn't go down," she yelled back.

"Ha ha Kaye pooped too much," Holly's voice added.

She groaned and glared at the elf. "See why we don't play with the toilet?"

"Yes."

"Do you have an Ace?"

"Get fish," said Rúmil.

"Go fish."

"Aren't I supposed to ask you next?" he asked.

"Yes. I was just correcting you."

"Oh." He searched his hand, then suddenly flipped it towards her. He pointed at a card with the black letter "A". "What does that mean again?"

Rúmil, that's an Ace," she said flatly. "And you're not supposed to show me your cards."

"Oh."

She took the cards from him, and stuffed them back into the deck. "Let's go over this again."

In the middle of a game of war, Kaye's watch beeped, and the Elf jumped. She glanced at it, then dropped her cards excitedly.

"Yay, time for Saturday Night Live. Let's- oh right, I mean-"

He put another card down and pretended he wasn't interested. "Go ahead, I can continue alone."

She looked towards the door, then him, door, him, door, then sat down right on the floor. She pointed towards the television and flicked it on. The Elf fell over in surprise, and stared at the strange object now flicking scenes from atop her dresser.

"What is that?"

"T.V."

For next hour and half they watched it, but it wasn't so funny after explaining every skit.

The alarm clock flashed five o'clock when Rúmil creeped out from the closet Sunday morning. He went to Kaye's bedside and repeatedly shook her shoulder until her eyes cracked open.

"What?" she groaned at the point eared blue above her.

"I need to go," he said anxiously.

"Go alone," she groaned once more, and put a pillow over her head.

----Five minutes later-----

"Whoosh!"

Suddenly she heard the toilet flush, and she shot straight up in bed, realizing what she'd done. She stared at him oddly when he came back in, shock written on her face.

"You did it! Good boy!"

"Well done Rúmil," he said blandly.

"Someone got up on the wrong side of the sleeping bag," she said, taken aback.

"Sorry I woke you," he grumbled, and stumbled back to the closet.

Unfortunately, Kaye had difficulty sleeping for the next hour. She ended up sneaking downstairs to get food for Rúmil. After she ate downstairs too, she opened the closet around seven o'clock (a.m.) and called for him to wake up. When there was no answer, she stomped inside. The Elf was is his creepy sleep state, flopped over on the floor with the sleeping bag and pillow she'd given him last night.

"C'mon Rúmil, get up." He made no movement. "I have food for you."

Immediately he blinked and sat up, nearly giving her a heart attack.

"Where is it?" he said suspiciously at seeing her empty hands.

"In the bedroom-"

Quickly he tore off the sleeping bag and broke for her room, but Kaye caught him by the back of the jeans he still wore.

"Put a shirt on mister. Or do Elves eat and sleep half naked?"

"Yes they do," he said, his eyes looking intently over her shoulder.

"I don't believe that, but have breakfast anyway. I'm too tired to care."

She scrambled out of the closet after him, following him straight to the desk. He pointed at the unfamiliar red cereal box and oranges.

"What are these strange orange balls? Where is the food?"

Kaye sniggered for a moment before explaining. "Lucky Charms cereal and some fruit."

"You eat metal in this world?"

"No, it's just the name the food is sold under."

She poured a bowl for him with the box and milk pitcher, then handed it to him. Cautiously he took a bite, then began eating more.

"Good?"

He nodded, and she watched him for a while, instantly noticing something.

"You are somehow different," she said. She leaned in closer. "Your hair is neater-"

"No-"

Then it hit her. "Did you use my hairbrush?" she exclaimed. "That was why you were so curt this morning."

"Yes, but not exactly."

"Huh?"

"I had a mishap."

"A mishap? With a hairbrush? Did it give you split ends or something?"

"It fell- into- the bowl- thing."

"Into wha- YOU DROPPED MY HAIRBRUSH INTO THE TOILET? HOW COULD YOU POSSSIBLY DO SUCH A THING?"

"My hair was disheveled."

"Great, now I have to go buy another one."

Kaye was headed out the door when her mom caught her.

"Where are you going?"

"Store."

"Why?"

"Uh- um."

"Well?"

_Oh God_ "I dropped my hairbrush in the toilet."

Her mom said with a restrained grin, "Is that why you were driving us nuts yesterday with the flushing?"

"Yes," Kaye lied, miserably.

Her mom pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and handed it to her. "Here, keep the change."

Kaye's eyes lit up. "Cha-ching!"

She snatched it, and dashed out the door.

A half hour later, Kaye returned to her bedroom, a plastic bag swinging from her arm.

"Oh Rúmil," she called. "I've got something for you."

He perked up from his spot on the floor, where he'd been playing Jenga. She took her new hairbrush from the plastic bag, the handed it to him.

It crinkled at his touch, and he asked, "What is this?"

"No, look _inside_."

"Oh."

He dumped out the contents, and grabbed everything happily, though he didn't know what everything was. In each hand he held up two Hershey's bars and a matching hairbrush and comb.

"You are a very generous woman," he said, causing her to blush.

* * *

**Author's Notes/Answer Section:**

KT: We have a question from a reader: "Why did Rúmil fall asleep so early?"

Rúmil: I did no such thing.

KT: Rumy, its right her e in black and white ink! My baby was tired from his trip to Earth.

Rúmil: You're sick. Besides _points to calendar _it says _here _in ink that you're late with this chapter.

KT: Sorrrryyy! I had no time with spring break , SAT I, that other story…


	6. Six: Time and Balls Fly

Six: Time and Balls Fly

**-Monday-**

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! _

Kaye's alarm went off with a series of extremely loud beeps. The time flashed six o'clock as her hand came out from beneath the blanket and slapped the sleep button. Her finger accidentally hit the radio button and it blared on with earsplitting volume. Suddenly the closet door smacked open and Rúmil flew out. He tripped over the sleeping bag still around his legs, then sprinted and jumped onto Kaye's bed. Some static caused the radio to fall silent as he landed on her, but it began blasting music again. Startled once more, he fell backwards onto the floor on the other side of the bed.

She flexed the foot which Rúmil had inadvertently landed on, then peered over the bedside. His head popped up over the side, and with relief she leaned and flicked off the radio alarm clock.

"What was that noise?"

"The radio," she explained, now wide awake.

"Oh."

"What a wake up call…" she groaned.

**-Tuesday-**

"What are you doing?"

"Homework," Kaye answered yet again.

Rúmil frustrated paced back and forth behind her chair, peeking over her shoulder every other second at the paper that was on the desk in front of her.

"Will you stop doing that? It does not help to have you reading over my shoulder, and that I suck at Algebra."

"Why must you do this? I thought you did it yesterday evening too."

"I do it _every_ night."

He twitched an ear. "That seems quite useless."

"EXACTLY!" Kaye exclaimed, slamming her fist noisily on the desk.

The Elf jumped, and gave her a disdainful look. He studied her closely through his boredom, and repeatedly tapped her shoulder.

"Can we go outside?"

"No and stop that too."

Her left arm came sideways to nudge him away. He noticed something glinting beneath her unbuttoned sleeve and curiously grabbed her wrist. His eyes crossed as he brought it in a tight grip to his face.

"It's a watch," Kaye said with amusement.

"A wah-tch? What does it do?"

"It is like a bracelet that tells time."

"Strange," he murmured.

It was grasped tightly as she undid the silver clasp and let him keep holding onto it. A few moments more and she wanted to return to her homework.

"Can I have it back?"

He gave her a wary glance and did not answer. "Shiny…."

"Please?" she said with more urgency.

He glanced at her again, put it behind his back, and slowly stepped away.

She got to her feet and cried out, "Hey! Give it back."

"No," he snapped.

Quickly she advanced on him and he darted away. With one leap she overtook him and both crashed to the floor. They struggled on the rug and when she got a hand on it, he flipped her back to floor. On his knees above her, he pulled tightly on the watch.

"It's mine," she snarled.

"I want it."

She tried to get up and twist away with it, but immediately he bumped her chest with his free hand, pushing her to the floor. Nastily she growled, terrifying him and freeing her enough to roll away. She sat up against the desk and glared.

"Watch the special area! Elves have no right to feel up authors! Or steal from them," she added.

"I'm sorry," he said wistfully.

Kaye eyed him over thoughtfully. "You're too hyper. Let's go outside."

Rúmil shouted for joy, and skipped to the door.

She let him to the backyard, and made him stand a distance away from her. Quizzically he watched as she pulled a strange bright green sphere from her pocket.

"Catch," she declared, and chucked it in his direction.

It hit him square between the eyes and fell to the ground.

"What was that for?"

"I'm sorry," she exclaimed, horrified.

"It is fine, but what is this?" he asked, picking up the fuzzy object in his hand.

"It's a tennis ball. You throw it to me, I throw it back to you, you throw it to me, I throw it back to you, and we keep doing that."

"Why?"

"That's the point of it."

"It is not a very good point," he said flatly.

"Catch is not supposed to have a point." She tapped her foot impatiently. "I don't trust you enough yet to let you handle anything bigger or more dangerous."

"I am not a bumbling fool."

"I know, like I said before, just ignorant."

"Then why-"

"Throw the ball," she shouted.

"Fine."

The ball came through the air unexpectedly and banged her forehead. Automatically she rubbed her head and glared at him.

The edge of his mouth twitched. "You should have caught it."

A laugh was obviously being restrained.

"You're laughing at me," she said angrily.

"No," he choked out.

She gave him a wry glance, picked up the ball, and suddenly threw it at him. Rúmil ducked, causing it to fly over his head.

In surprise he stared at her. "You did that purposefully!"

Eagerly she nodded and was given a mischievous look.

"I'm going to get you Kaye," he yelled triumphantly.

She squeaked and dashed away, the Elf and ball following her around the yard in a new game, "Kaye Target Practice."

* * *


	7. Seven: Grabby Hands and Leprechauns

Seven: Grabby Hands and Leprechauns

**-Wednesday-**

The headphones blasted 3 Doors Down as Kaye fumbled with her keys. She pressed the forward button of the CD player looped to her belt and accidentally dropped the house key. It bounced down the steps of the front porch.

"Darn it," she mumbled, and stooped to grab them.

The backpack she carried weighed down on her heavily and swung awkwardly with this sudden movement.

"Ow," she gasped, and jammed the annoying key into the lock.

The door opened of its own accord, giving her a split second view of Rúmil before he moved. Suddenly he ripped the headphones off her head and threw them to the ground.

"STOP!" she shouted as he put his foot in the air, obviously about to smash them.

He froze in that position, staring at her. Impatiently he moved an inch and she screamed again. She put down her backpack and lifted a hand in the air.

"No! Bad Elf, give Kaye the headphones."

. "Why?" he asked uncertainly. "It was attacking your head."

"No they weren't," she explained, reaching for them slowly. "I put them on my head on purpose."

"That is quite silly," he said.

"Yeah, ha ha- ERIS!"

The red dog appeared out of nowhere, grabbed the headphones, and dashed through Rúmil's legs, making him jump in terror.

"Come back here doggy," Kaye shouted, and ran after him.

"I'll save your pet!" Rúmil shouted and raced after them.

It took only a matter of moments for the Elf to catch Eris and snatch him away from the headphones. The dog struggled in his arms, then began licking his face.

"Ahh!" the elf shrieked, and dropped him.

Luckily Kaye dive-bombed and caught the poor dog. Eris hopped out of her arms and Rúmil helped her off the floor.

"What was it doing?" he asked anxiously. "Attempting to eat my face? Why do you keep such animals around?"

She shook her head. "He was licking you, for dogs it means they like a person."

"Oh."

Still shaking her head, she picked up her headphones and plugged them into her CD player.

"So what is that?" he asked precariously.

"Headphones," she replied, holding them out to him. "You put them on and listen to music."

"Strange." He picked them up curiously, putting them on his head.

"You've got them on backwards," she laughed, fixing them for him.

When she hit the play button, his eyes opened wide and he gazed around quickly.

"Where is that singing coming from?"

"This." She held up the CD player.

Tentatively he poked at it, accidentally hitting the "forward button."

"It changed," he said, staring at it in awe.

"Uh huh," Kaye said, somewhat scared of his amazement.

Later that afternoon, Kaye walked in her room and flipped off her sandals, her feet sore from chasing the dogs during their whole walk. She picked up The Hobbit from her bookshelf and plunked onto her armchair with matching ottoman. In the middle of "Flies and Spiders" Rúmil entered the room, hurrying to her side as he saw the book.

"What are you reading?"

_He does that every time I pick up a book._ "The Hobbit."

"We have those in Middle Earth," he said warily.

Interested, he peeked over the book's edge, suddenly snatching at it. Kaye stood up.

"Hey give me that."

The Elf glanced back and forth between her and the book, then dashed off like a rabbit.

"RÚMIL!" she shouted, chasing him out of her room.

He tried to escape down the stairs, but she pounced on him and both tumbled to the next floor. Her hands managed to reach the book over his shoulders in a death grip, preventing him from shaking her off.

"Mine!"

"Mine!" he echoed.

"I told you to stop taking my stuff. MINE!"

"MINE!"

After several more minutes like this, they were so occupied that they missed hearing the front door open.

"Kaye, I'm here," came Holly's voice from below.

The two froze and automatically she let go of the book, allowing Rúmil to hightail it back upstairs. A second later Holly found her and stared as she spotted the teenager still sprawled on the rug.

"Why are you on the floor?" her sister asked.

"Uh- I fell," she lied.

"Right." Holly rolled her eyes.

"Oh shut it. Please come help me up."

**-Thursday-**

Kaye entered the living room to leave her backpack, since she'd just come home from school. It slipped off as she noticed the television was on, the movie Leprechaun 2 playing on that particular channel. Knowing Rúmil must've left it on, she went to turn it off. She was starting to regret having taught him how to use it, when a muffled sound came from behind the couch. The movie leprechaun was busy biting off someone's finger and gurgling in his odd voiced as she peered over the edge of the couch. Suddenly she screamed as something jumped out and pulled her behind it, knocking her to the ground. A hand was on her throat and the terror in the Elf's eyes was replaced with surprise.

"Kaye?" he croaked, removing his hand.

"Rúmil!" she said with astonishment. A blood-curdling shriek rang out on the television. "What-"

He quickly placed a hand over her mouth and crouched protectively over her with a wild scared expression.

"Shh, the monster is nearby," he said hoarsely, his nose smushed into hers. "We'll both die!"

Confused, she stared at him, until realizing his ears were perked in the direction of the blasting television.

"Get off me," she said with an annoyed laugh.

Forcefully, she dragged him into the middle of the room and pointed to the flickering screen. It flashed to a close-up of the gnashing leprechaun and the Elf hid behind her with a whimper.

"Rúmil, it's only _a movie_.The leprechaun 'monster' in it is fake," she groaned.

Hesitantly he left her side and walked towards it, then turning towards her.

"Okay."

"An Elf afraid of a movie, yeesh-"

"I was not afraid of it. The lep-re-cha-un took me by surprise. I thought it wanted to kill me."

"Honestly," she scoffed, then on a whim, started to sing:

"Theres a Leprechaun in me head...I dont think hell eer let me be. La ta tee, da diddley dee, la ta tee ta tee da."

Rúmil backed away and she followed, an evil look on her face as she kept singing:

-------

**A/N:** Usual disclaimer and that song phrase is by the Brodibiginan Bards or something like that.


	8. Eight: Ear and Thorn

_italics=Main character's thoughts!)_

Eight: Ear and Thorn

**-Friday-**

"Hey Rúmil," Kaye called up the stairs. "Want to go for a ride?"

The Elf's head appeared over the edge of the banister. "No thank you, I only ride horses when absolutely necessary."

"That's not what I meant," she explained impatiently, while jingling her keys. He stared at her blankly. She shook her head and gestured to him. "C'mon just get down here."

She led him down to the garage and he eyed the metal contraption she opened with her keys.

"Over there," she pointed out the passenger side door.

Cautiously he approached it and circled around a few times, studying the headlights and bumper stickers.

"What is this?"

"A car."

This does not look like a cart," he said, running a hand over the silver painted surface.

"No I said a car," she said.

Since he obviously still distrusted the machine; she grabbed him by the shirt and stuffed him in through the open passenger door. He glared and pulled his precious mussed hair back over his ears as she got in the other side.

"That was rude-"

"Sorry," she replied, and jammed the key in the ignition. "Put your seatbelt on."

She pointed to the side then pulled the strap across her shoulder and waist, clicking it in. He watched her, then tried to do the same. She turned the key in the ignition, causing the automobile to rev to life. The Elf jumped in surprise and shouted, struggling with the seatbelt.

"HELP! IT WISHES TO STRANGLE ME!"

Rolling her eyes, Kaye grabbed it from around his neck where he'd tangled it. She rearranged it on him and put it into the proper slot.

"Oh," he said, peering down at the seatbelt.

Kaye's hand edgily went to the gear and she backed out of the spot. For awhile they passed through a forest preserve that flanked both sides of the road. Rúmil relaxed slightly in his seat at seeing the trees and she even rolled the window open for him.

Naturally his head came to stick out the window. The fast moving air whipped his dark brown hair around and made his pointy ears twitch with delight. Soon they were passing rows of houses and Kaye tugged on his shirt.

"You have to put your head in now."

Furiously he shook his head and gripped the window sill tightly.

"Rúmil," she scolded and pulled on his arm.

He growled and jerked away, causing her to be pulled sideways in the seat. Suddenly she straightened up and pumped the break pedal as she caught sight of the stop sign and pedestrian.

"Elf." She turned to her passenger and was horrified to see him hanging out the window again.

A grim old lady with a little white dog was standing in the crosswalk, staring at the car strangely. The ugly flowered hat on her head was pulled low, but the thin wrinkly face seemed awfully familiar. The woman's eyes were fixed on Rúmil's pointy ears that were now visible. Kaye smiled innocently at the woman, then shot a critical look at the elf before pulling his head down and speeding off.

"See why we listen to Kaye?" she said tersely.

"Maybe," he answered irately, crossing his arms.

With nothing else to do, Rúmil became fidgety as the minutes passed, drumming his fingers on his forearms.

Kaye didn't notice his fingers wander, flicking at the car vents, dashboard and twiddle the radio knob towards him. His hand continued to drum until he finally sent Kaye off her rocker.

"Quit that," she said flatly.

Reaching for the radio, she punched the "power/volume" knob in. Music **blasted** and shook the car at top volume, both Elf and human covering their ears with their hands. Kaye's foot slammed down onto the brake and she grappled for the knob. All went quiet. Immediately she met Rúmil with an accusing stare and the Elf acknowledged his guilt with a sheepish pained look. His ears hurt terribly.

= = =

Having an elf in the car was too hard on weekday, so she turned the vehicle around. Shortly, she was home and pulling into the driveway. Both were silent from the hassled car ride and Rúmil followed her up to the house, waiting patiently as she pulled out her keys, pushing them into the lock. The door suddenly opened by itself and in the entrance stood Holly.

"You're home…early," Kaye gasped, stepping closer to the door.

Surreptitiously she pushed Rúmil off the porch, into nearby bushes. Holly opened the door to let her sister in, all the while giving her an odd look.

"What pipsqueak?" Kaye asked, turning around with annoyance.

"Mom picked me up from soccer practice."

"Mom's home?" she asked with unneeded worry.

"Yeah," Holly responded, her strange stare starting to become haughty. "We even went to the grocery store to pick up some ice cream. It was fun; I saw Mrs. Grimp and talked with her a little."

_ Wait a minute. Uh oh…_

"It was weird, she didn't expect to almost meet up with you again. After you nearly ran her over with some new boy in your car. Such a little rebel, she said. Can't believe your sister would date someone with a horrid ear fix. So you're dating huh? Boy mom would be pretty irritated that you didn't tell her. I'll have to tell to her myself-"

"I'm NOT dating anyone," she interrupted. "And you are NOT telling mom."

It had taken a moment for it to register, but it was clear to Kaye that the old lady in the road _had _been familiar. _Eww, me date Rúmil. Yuck yuck yuck yuck. I'd rather eat sewer discharge. _

"Then why were you with a boy?"

"He's-he's the- uh- um- a…new exchange student- at school," she stuttered, trying to think. _Rúmil **could** pass for a teenager. And he's got an accent. _

"Right," Holly said skeptically. "And what is the boy's name?"

"Uhh- Ru….Ransford Th- Thorpe."

She sniggered, earning her a glare from Kaye. "What a dippy name."

"Don't make fun of him," she snapped. "He doesn't usually go by that name anyway. He likes to be called Rúmil."

The girl's eyes opened wide. "Rúmil? Like in that Lord of the Rings stuff? I can't believe it, you found a boy as nuts as you are."

"Well excuse me," Kaye said with a smirk. "Miss-I-Love-Legolas-Fan-Club-Member-Who-Begs-Kaye-To-Read-Her-The-Simarillion-Every-Other-Night."

"Liar," Holly said sulkily.

"Oh okay. Then you never came into my room a month ago screaming about Morgoth and Orcs at midnight?"

Her sister drooped, but then turned away on getting a new idea. "Kaye and Rúmil sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-"

"Holly," she scolded, making a grab for her.

The girl twisted out of her reach and dashed away to safety. Kaye went up to her room and collapsed in a chair. Suddenly she heard a thump, causing her to sit upright and search for the source of the noise. Additional scratching sounds led her over to the window, where she pulled back the curtains, then gasped. The Elf was sitting on the tree limb that was level with her room. His hand pounded the glass while his other one was squished up against the window with his face, his cheek and nose particularly flat at the moment. A small bump was beginning to form on the edge of his forehead, where he had obviously banged into the window, thinking it an open entrance.

"Please let me in," he said wistfully.

Stifling a laugh, she lifted the jamb and screen, allowing him to clamber in, one limb at a time. He straightened his clothes and picked the leaves from his hair where Kaye pointed them out.

"What happened here?" she asked, noticing a long scratch on his arm.

"That bush you coaxed me into contained many roses and _thorns_."

"Oh I'm sorry! I didn't want my sister to see you," she said apologetically.

"As I guessed from your conversation," he mumbled.

"You were listening to us? Stalker."

"Yes," he said dismissively. "I do not see why you are against sitting in trees."

"What? Oh."

"It is very nice to do, but only when you are not inhibited by an evil glass contraption."

"My sister meant something else-"

"We shall speak no longer of it." He pulled several partially crushed pink roses from his pocket and handed them to her disdainfully. "I did not know what to do with these. They were ruined with my fall."

She laid it on her desk carefully. "It's okay, I don't think Mom will notice too much. She'll kill me though if Holly tells her about Mrs. Grimp's suspicions. I usually like everyone, but she's a snotty old hack."

Rúmil seemed confused. "She is made of mucus?"

Kaye shook her head.

= = =

An hour later, the roses still lie on the desk, forgotten as Kaye sat at her computer, clicking and typing. The Elf was sprawled on the floor next to her, buried in one of the many books he liked to whisk off her shelves. He ignored the strange occasional giggle from her, until he realized she kept sneaking looks at him. Slightly irritated, he dropped the book and met her next glance with a meaningful stare.

"What is so amusing?"

"Just a website, I found out your name in Dwarvish would be _Glîm Gravelaughter_," she sniggered.

"That isn't funny," he said brusquely. "They disgust me."

"Rúmil," she replied flatly. "If you're from Valinor, you've _never_ even seen one."

"Yes, so?"

A voice called up the stairs and she got up, hearing her mother say the word "dinner".

"Where are you going?"

She stuck her head back through the bedroom door. "Dinnertime. See you later, _Glîm_."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

KT: Rúmil, almost 20 reviews, I'm going to cry- ah what the heck! **starts sobbing**

Rúmil: Cut it out. **points to computer** You have reviews to respond to.

KT: **smiles like an idiot**

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

**A/N: **Okay not the greatest chapter in the world, but I promise the next one is a lot funnier. It's nearly done already! ---Thank you so much when the subject line "[FanFiction.Net] Review Alert!" appears in my inbox, Rúmil and I do a happy dance! With this story I haven't taken too much liberty to answer reviewers, well here I go.

what is in a name: Thanks I was a little worried about that,

Rúmil: I completely vetoed chapter seven but did crazy Kaye heed me? No!

Clumsy sweet pea: I think I'm going to cry. Thanks for looking my story up!

Rúmil: You mean _our_ story.

Athena Diagon Cat: Yes I suppose he will be traumatized. Just wait and see what he is in for.

Rúmil: Uh oh.

Kaye: evil laugh Anyway in response to your question: Holly is ten years old, for reference you can check out chapter Four: Around the House.

Crazy-haldir-fancier: I know what you're thinking; strange story eh? He He thanks I intend to keep writing, well hopefully. Rúmil can't get run over by a car or anything.

Rúmil: AND WHY WOULD THAT HAPPEN?

Nevvy: Yes those movies are, I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares after seeing them.

Rúmil: I still don't think this chapter should've been posted.

Kaye: Leprechaun…

Rúmil: **shrieks**

Nienna-yavetil: I love your levity, thank you for being such an awesome supporter.

Rúmil: **shoves Kaye aside** Give the woman a cookie!!!!


	9. Nine: A Ripped Chapter

Nine: A Ripped Chapter

Whistling, Rúmil walked into Kaye's room, but halted. Her back was to him and the unmistakable sound of ripping paper could be heard.

"What are you doing?" he asked carelessly.

"Ripping up my writing."

"That's nice...wait," he said, startled. "WHAT? RIPPING UP _OUR _CHAPTERS YOU MEAN!"

He whirled her computer chair around towards him and grabbed the handful of paper she had been holding. He looked at the limp torn paper in his hand sorrowfully. "Why would you carry through such a crazy thing?"

"Because," she said, snatching it away. "I was going to recycle it." He stared at her blankly. "They take paper and reprocess it, so it can be made into new paper and used again."

"That still sounds crazy," he said. "I do not wish for our hard work destroyed."

"Well consider this neurotic nature boy. Every year sharp blades are put to four billion trees and cut down, so that each person can use 749 pounds of paper a year."

Rúmil lost his composure, and stuttered, "F- four b- billion?"

She nodded and with that, he immediately fell over.

"Rúmil?" she asked concernedly.

No answer came, he'd fainted.

-=- -=- -=-

Repeatedly Kaye had tried to unclench his hand and retrieve her shredded chapters, but to no avail. The Elf had a death grip on them, and was out cold. She left him on the floor, and came back an hour later to check on him. He was sitting, hunched over her desk when she walked in.

"Good, you're up." He peered at her questioningly. "You fainted, remember?"

"Elves do not 'faint'," he said arrogantly.

"Right. So what were you doing? Practicing for a play?"

"Yes."

"Which one then?" Kaye asked skeptically.

"The uh- The Elf and the Annoying Sugar High Woman," he snapped.

"Sounds interesting," she said, playing along.

"You _would _know," he said, then glanced covertly at the desk. "Could you uh leave me for awhile?"

"Why?" she said, with interest. "What are you doing anyway?"

"Uh nothing."

"Are those my chapter scraps from earlier?" she asked with amusement.

He gave her a frightened look, and covered the mess of tape and paper even more with his arms.

"I wish you'd throw it away," she sighed.

"No," he whined. "We have worked hard on this."

"We? You refused to do anything but edit! Even when it's torn to pieces you can still see all the red marks you penned in."

He glared. "Leave."'

"All right, all right," she said, turning around with a frown. "Yeesh you always get so mean over writing, especially when it comes to my own."

"Well my literature is a work of art and through my lessons to you Kaye, you are _mine_," he said with a possessive smile.

She backed away slightly. "You know, you can be pretty scary sometimes."

"Indeed," he answered evilly.

He went back to work on taping the paper scraps together. As she left, Kaye stopped in the doorway as she heard Rúmil.

He let out a small hissy, "Myyy preciousssss....."

* * *

**A/N: **_[Looks from behind tree]_ Sorry its been a while, I've had too much to deal with before I could do this story...oops?


	10. Ten: Sneaking Around

Ten: Sneaking Around

"'…the darkness of oblivion overwhelming her sight. She _knew_ death was coming'."

Kaye looked up from the pile of paper she was holding, and gauged her sister's face. The twelve year old stared at her expectantly and shifted under her blanket.

"Is that it?"

"Uh huh," she replied flatly, dropping the pages into her lap. "Why? Didn't you like it?"

"Yeah it was good, but there's no ending," said Holly.

"I haven't written it yet. That's not at least for twenty chapters."

Her sister flopped backwards into bed. "Oh brother. At least last week's book had humping, drugs, and alcohol."

The older girl chortled. "Excuse me? The Odyssey does **not**- wait a minute…okay yeah it does." She stood up from the bed and shut off the table lamp. _"Literature classic_. No wonder you wanted me to read it to you. Dirty girl."

Holly let out a stifled snigger, earning herself a poke in the forehead. "Go to sleep, runt." The girl flipped on her side in surrender, pulling the blanket past her head.

"Is mom going to be home soon?" she asked, her voice muffled.

Inaudibly her sister sighed and patted the girl's covered shoulder. "Probably not. She's on assignment in the city. So don't try and stay up for her, alrighty?"

"Okay."

Quietly Kaye slipped out the door, and returned to her bedroom for the night.

-.-.-

An intense white light met Kaye's eyes, blinding her for a moment. She bolted up in bed, hitting her head on a metal object.

"Ow!"

The light went off with a small click. "Sorry," her sister said.

"Holly, what are you doing up?" she asked, yarning. "And no you can't sleep in my bed."

"Th- then can you sleep in my room tonight? The noises are keeping me up."

"What noises?"

"Shuffling, scraping. I think the Orc in my closet came back," said Holly in a small voice.

Kaye pushed the girl off the bed and got to her feet. Her eyes instinctively darted to the closet. The door was ajar, and the "do not disturb" sign was missing from the knob. _Oh shit. _

"You can sleep in my room tonight," she said distantly.

"Usually you kick me out. Why-"

"Just wait here alright?" interrupted Kaye. "Lucky probably got into your closet again."

She closed the door and took off down the hall, barreling into Holly's bedroom. She threw open the closet and pulled a very disheveled Rúmil from behind the hanging clothes. He tripped over the shoe rack, and crashed to the floor.

"Elf," she hissed. "What're you doing in _here_?"

He pointed towards the bed in the corner. "Listening to your readings. We did such things in my youth."

"Kaye?"

Both Elf and teenager jumped at the small voice, causing Kaye to shove Rúmil back into the closet. She spun on her heel and found her sister standing in the doorway, staring at her.

"Wh- what is that boy doing in my room?" Holly shuffled forward warily in her fluffy slippers, watching as the stranger crawled out again. "I said before I wouldn't hide your boyfriends in my room! I don't want mom on my back."

Kaye turned a light red and yanked Rúmil out again. "He is NOT my boyfriend. And I wasn't hiding him in your room. He snuck in here."

Her sister took a step backwards. "Uhm wh- why?"

The Elf straightened his hair and smiled at the girl. "I highly enjoy listening to the ancient or original tales the two of you share each night."

"Each night? What, you've been living here?"

Rúmil and Kaye shared a furtive look, before she answered awkwardly, "N- yeah."

"You're that Ransford Thorpe boy!" said Holly, pointing at him accusingly.

He stared at her blankly. "Who?"

"Mrs. Grimp told me you looked like trouble. And here you are, in my closet pulling who-knows-what with my only sister-"

"Holly, shut up. It's not what you think." Her sister made a face, but fell silent. "You're not going to believe me, but he's an elf. From Middle-Earth."

"Valinor."

"Shut up, Elf."

"His name's Anelf?" Holly said perplexedly.

"No, Rúmil."

"I didn't say anything Kaye."

"I thought you said his name was Anelf."

"Bad hearing seems to run in the family," he said coolly.

Kaye rolled her eyes. "For pete's sake! He is Rúmil of Valinor. He's from the Noldorin Elves. Somehow he ended up here in our world. He wandered into our yard and tried to kill me, before I decided to help him. He's been hiding in my closet ever since."

Holly's eyes widened and she turned to the Elf. "I thought Rúmil was from Lórien?"

"Stealer," muttered Rúmil.

"Okay. Why the heck should I believe you? Kaye, you do have a bad sense of humor."

"I do not. And I'm not lying. Tug on his ears and see."

The Elf tried to step away, but Holly leaned forward and yanked on his head. "Whoa it's real!"

He grimaced and released her hand, covering his ears protectively. "Do you mind? Is this some sort of sadistic human ritual?"

Holly stood on her toes to examine his face closer, as if looking for a horn growing out of his head. "Who else knows about him?"

"Just you, the truth I mean. Other people have seen him, but think he's another person," said Kaye, shrugging. "Let's keep it that way."

.-.-.-.

The plate chinked loudly as Rúmil shoveled his lunch away. Holly stared at him from across the dining table, still shocked by his strange manners. Kaye rolled her eyes and helped herself to more macaroni and cheese.

Her sister garbled through a mouthful of food, "So do you know any tricks?"

The Elf put down his spoon, seeming quite confused.

"He's not a dog," she answered, throwing a napkin at the girl. "And don't talk with your mouth full."

Holly glared at her and swallowed before retorting. "Stop acting like you're mom. I wanted to know if he can fight and jump like Legolas does in the movies." She leaned in her chair, balancing it on the back two legs.

Rúmil shook his head and picked up his utensil again.

"He's not athletic. More the equivalent of an Elf nerd," said Kaye, waving her fork.

Suddenly the Elf choked and coughed to clear his throat. "Untrue! I can shoot arrows and toss balls quite well."

Holly jolted with a fit of giggles, tossing her weight against the chair back and crashing over backwards to the floor. She rolled off the chair embarrassedly, and allowed her sister to help her up.

"Ouch, I think I broke my butt."

"That's enough for today," said Kaye as she lifted the chair off the floor. "Put your dish in the sink."

"Aw do I have to?"

"No let me," said Rúmil, standing up. "I can do the dishes."

Both girls eyed him warily, as if he'd started speaking in tongues. "Uhm no that's alright," replied Kaye.

"Please," he said, grabbing her plate.

She held onto it tightly, but he pried her fingers off one by one. He snatched the rest of the stemware before either could move, and scrambled into the kitchen with his pile.

"An Elf that can do dishes," murmured Holly thoughtfully. "I like him already."

.-.-.-.

Small bursts of water came out of the nozzle as Kaye squeezed the sprayer mounted on the hose. She carefully aimed it at the flower beds and row of rosebushes, soaking the dry soil. A distant creaking noise caught her attention, causing her to turn around. She found her sister and Rúmil twenty feet behind her in the gateway, watching her intently. They froze midstride, Holly looking incredibly guilty and nervous as she waved.

"Oh hi."

"What're you guys doing?" said Kaye flatly.

"We uh- I was taking Rúmil to the store…for food."

The Elf gazed worriedly between the two of them, then threw his hands in the air. "She's lying! She promised me a book if I went to see her friend Julie," he shouted, and darted away from the girls.

"Tattletale!" yelled Holly.

"I do not have a tail you tithen dól!"

Holly's eyes narrowed and she stomped towards him. "I don't know what that means, but take it back."

He shook his head vigorously and made a beeline for a nearby tree. A moment later, he was sprawled face down, being shot with the full force of a hose. He put his hands protectively over his hair and tried to crawl out of the way, but Kaye followed him. She then went after Holly, who tried to duck for cover behind a bush.

"Enough out of you two," she said, soaking her sister.

Holly put her face under her arms, sputtering. "C'mon! I I- only wanted Julie to see him. I wasn't going to say he was an Elf."

"No, it's too risky. Now say you won't do it again."

A moment later, Kaye was tugged over backwards, a long arm around her neck reaching for the hose. She hit the ground hard and was sprayed in the face as she lost grip of the nozzle. Rúmil wrestled with her, but she twisted over and yanked it away from him. The water went everywhere and pooled into a muddy mess in the grass as they tumbled around. Holly joined in a minute later.

"Give me the water dispenser," growled Rúmil.

"Never."

She hit him again with the water, but he used the opportunity to grab the hose and aim it back towards her. Kaye found herself flat on her back, getting soaked. She clung desperately onto part of the hose cord, trying to inch it away.

"Now will you let us go see Julie?" gasped Holly.

"NO!"

Rúmil shook his head, grinning evilly. "Young one, we have her answer. This is merely revenge."

Kaye squealed as he stuck the nozzle down the back of her shirt, sending an icy stream of water along her spine. She glared at him and resolutely kicked him in the lower stomach, hitting her mark. His eyes opened wide, and he fell over like a domino, dropping the hose. Holly screamed and bolted out of the yard, before she could get up. Breathing hard, she leaned over the Elf, her face muddy and scratched.

"No ice cream for you guys tonight."

* * *

**Translation: **

-Tithen dól (Sindarin): "Small head."

**Author's Note:**It's been waaay too long, I know. Sorry about this guys. I lost the thumb drive that has all my writing on it, so I've had to rely on scratch. I'll be updating all my stories soon.

Thanks for reading!


	11. Eleven: Stuck

Eleven: Stuck

Kaye shut the front door quickly, escaping from the scorching summer heat into the cool air conditioned house. She paid little attention to her sister and the elf sprawled across the living room couch watching reruns of "The Simpsons."

Her throat was extremely dry from the running around she'd done outside, but she managed to gasp a hello. Holly grunted in acknowledgment and upped the T.V. volume, subtly warning her to shut up. She glared at the girl and dropped her bag on the floor, trudging her way to the kitchen for water. Kaye froze in her tracks at first sight and shouted a stream of incoherent profanity. 

A heaping pile of dirty pans and pots flowed over the edge of the sink basin, covered in greasy crumbs and pools of dripping water from the faucet. Half open bags and cans littered the counter-tops, interspersed with piles of flour, spilled soda, and gooey food remnants. Several pounds of kibble were strewn across the tiled floor from a completely ripped bag of dog food. 

Holly came around the corner sheepishly, towing a reluctant Rúmil.

"What the hell happened here?"

Avoiding looking her in the face, the girl muttered, "You weren't supposed to come back from the library until five o'clock."

"Apparently," she said, hands on her hips. "Last time I leave the two of you alone. I thought a grown Elf could protect a twelve year old, and she could keep him from destroying the house."

"Hey don't say that, he's a great chaperon," Holly said defiantly. "He never went near the kitchen. We were just taking a break from cleaning."

"_This_ was after cleaning?"

Rúmil came from behind the girl. "I am a capable guardian and there was no wrong doing. Merely a celebration of life."

"You had a **party**?"

"No! A wake. Amanda's brother ran over her cat Princess yesterday."

Kaye's face softened a little. "Aww- wait a minute. The one that tried to claw my eyes out and killed those robins?"

"Uh huh, but I liked her. We only made pizza, brownies and scrambled eggs. I know how to cook those easily. And Rúmil was in his closet the entire time."

"Ew you're going to be sick later," she said. "But fine. You finish up the floors and counter, I'll do the dishes. Next time don't leave the kibble out of the cabinet. Lucky will eat through _anything _for food."

Kaye had barely started on the mess in the sink, when she noticed the drain was clogged. The garbage disposal wasn't anymore help, it sounded like a dying car dunked in wet toilet paper. 

"This is really bad. I'm going to call the plumber," she said. 

Holly nonchalantly nodded from the other side of the kitchen, where she was vigorously scrubbing the counters. For some reason, Rúmil had abandoned his cleaning and left the room. 

_Weird._

.-.-.-.

"There's your problem." The hefty man backed from underneath the sink, showing the girls a bucketful of gunk he had pulled out of the pipes. "Somebody shoved forks, paper, wrappers, and a load of food down yer drain like it's a trash can."

He finished and wrote out a bill, handing it to Kaye. Her eyes widened and she clenched her hands on it tightly till her knuckles were white. She counted out a handful of twenties, tens, and fives that she'd taken from the savings hidden in her desk. 

"You don't have to pay it. Let mom," said Holly, patting her shoulder. 

Her sister grimaced and said lowly, "It's either two hundred fifty bucks, or let mom think I'm deranged and incapable. She'll ground me for three months, drag me into counseling, and stick us with a nanny who you know will eventually find Rúmil."

"Oh. Right."

She handed over the money and ushered the man out the door, slamming it soundly. Holly scrambled from the other room, staring at her worriedly. Her sister rarely ever looked so angry. 

"What're you going to do?" the girl asked quietly. "It's not your fault. He didn't know better."

"Of course he didn't. But I thought I could stop him from making those mistakes," she said sadly. There was more than this week's dinners in there."

"What're you going to do?"

She frowned and climbed the stairs, not meeting her eyes. 

"Kaye?"

.-.-.-.

Late that night, the familiar thud and scuffling came from the sill. Sighing, Kaye sat up in bed, and watched Rúmil enter her room through the window like he always did. He warily passed her bed, seeming very nervous.

"Sorry to wake you," he whispered. 

She remained silent, and watched him walk over to his closet. He stopped in front of the door, picking up the bag hanging from the knob and the piece of paper taped there. Confused, he flipped the light switch and read it.

"Ah damn it, my eyes."

"Evicted," he said tonelessly. He turned towards her, shoving the paper in her direction. "What does this mean?"

She crossed her arms. "It means you don't live there anymore."

A tremendous smile crossed his face and he said excitedly, "I get my own bed now?"

"No. It means you're out of the closet, out of my room, out of _this _house."

"What!"

"This is the last straw. I tried to help you and overlook mistakes, even when you started the fire in the microwave. I can't do it anymore. When this stuff happens, we're very close to being discovered. Then it's goodbye to my freedom, Holly's, and especially yours. My mother would probably get you arrested. You're not a great influence either. She stopped doing her homework to keep an eye on you when I can't."

"B- bu- but Kaye, it was an accident. I heard you call something there a 'garbage disposal.'"

"It is, but not what you think," she said flatly. "I don't have the money to be blowing on all this stuff, neither does my mom. I'm barely going to have enough for when college comes. Otherwise I'll never get out of here."

"Humans need to conscientiously name things," he said, dropping the bag onto the floor. "This is ridiculous. It should be named crumb hole or-"

"Rúmil."

"Hm?"

"Keep your voice down and stop rambling. You're still evicted."

His shoulders fell and he toed the floor with his shoe. "Where am I to go?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Those woods we drive by all the time are a mile north. You shouldn't have a problem in there. You're Elven after all, those wood born tree hugging forest dwellers." She pointed at the bag until he picked it up. "I put all your stuff in there and food. Holly put in Skittles—and Baron Fuddles, her stuffed rabbit you stole."

"I suppose such a place will do," he said quietly. "I should have known I would leave someday. I wonder if I shall see Valinor again."

"Who knows? But it's less likely if you're stuck here locked in a closet, watching TV all day, or throwing balls at my head," Kaye said, her mouth twitching. "Now get going, before we're overheard."

Nodding, he heaved the backpack over his shoulders. "Farewell, my friend."

Quietly he slid open the window pane and slipped through, without looking back.

* * *

**! A/N: **No this isn't the end of the story or Rúmil. We're far from that point. He's making a comeback very very soon. So please don't hit "review" and complain. Just keep reading folks!

**S/N (Story Notes)**

-My view on Kaye: I don't think she's being too unreasonable here or cruel. She did have doubts about taking him in, and already has a lot on her plate responsibility wise. She does think of him as a friend, but her patience ran out.

-Holly: I changed her age to twelve. I'll be going back and revising the earlier chapters to reflect this. I have plans for her.


	12. Twelve: The Hobo

Twelve: The Hobo

**Three months later…**

It was mid-autumn, the leaves already starting to turn gold and red and the air chilly. The sky was already darkening as Kaye walked into her house, toting a pile of books and her gym bag. She was exhausted from Cross Country practice, but exhilarated since she had scored two As on exams today. It seemed since Rúmil had left, her grades had steadily improved.

She dumped everything on the floor of her room and settled down to finish her homework. However, by seven o'clock, she was doodling across the top of her English paper, extraordinarily bored.

_It was never this boring with Rúmil around…ah crap why am I thinking about him? That damn elf is gone for good, and it's better this way._

Unable to resist the temptation, she snapped up her cell phone and dialed her best-friend, Celia Moore.

"Hey ya," she said cheerily.

"Hi!"

"So I'm kind of bored. What're you up to?"

"Ah sorry Kaye, can't go anywhere tonight."

"Oh really? Where are you headed?"

"I uh—kind of have a date," her friend said guiltily.

"No way! With who?"

"Well, he's really hot, pretty nice, and very punky."

"Punky? Right. So where'd you meet him?"

"At the bus stop."

"How romantic," answered Kaye sarcastically.

"Look, I really have to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Alright, bye."

She snapped her phone shut and sighed, coming up with a different plan. Ice cream? Closed. Patrick? Busy. Library? Bingo. She grabbed her bag and sprinted past Holly in the hallway.

"Where are you going?" called Holly.

"Library."

"Nerd!"

.-.-.-.

The village library was small, but spacious, its walls filled with books and glass displays. As the front door closed behind her, Mrs. Johnson the head librarian looked up at her from the main desk, and curled a finger.

"Ms. Thorn, if you please."

"Evening Mrs. J. Did you get that poetry book in yet?"

The elderly woman shook her head and pushed the glasses further up her nose. "No. That cousin of yours, he needs to come in."

_What cousin…? Oh holy shit I forgot about his library card. What have I done?_

"Ransford Thorpe? He owes us 75.83 in book fines and is five months late with thirty books. He needs to pay it, unless of course you will?" Mrs. Johnson said, raising an eyebrow.

Her cheeks reddened and she waved a hand reluctantly. "No, I'll let him know."

_If I can find him._

.-.-.-.

Early the next day, Kaye scrambled from her house to the car, dropping her car keys and spilling her tea all over the sidewalk. If she wasn't quick enough, she was going to be late. Within five minutes, she was in front of her friend Celia's house, leaning on the horn. Her friend rushed out of the house, one shoe on and her hairbrush in one hand.

"You're late Kaye!" she said, slamming the car door.

"So are you."

"We still have time," she retorted, slipping on her other shoe. "Do me a favor, and go down Oak Street to Lake?"

"What for? That's the long way there."

"I want to pass by the Wilson's house."

"Why?" asked Kaye. She pushed her friend's hand away from the radio buttons, and turned up the song volume. "That ugly kid—oh my god you're not dating Henry are you?"

Suddenly her foot hit the brake, stopping the car in the middle of the road. A van honked behind her and sped around them, causing her to swear at it. She stared at her friend, who was blushing profusely.

"No! The guy I'm seeing works for them. He does landscaping."

"How ambitious," she mumbled. "Okay fine, we'll stop by."

Seven minutes later, they were pulling to a stop in front of a large stone house with red shutters. Kaye parked the car and pointed to a lone figure on the Wilson's lawn, who was busy raking piles of leaves.

"Is that him?"

Celia squinted and smiled, jerking her friend's arm. "Yes, I want you to meet him."

The girl half dragged Kaye across the long lawn, chatting about the date she'd had last night. When they were fifty feet from the raker, Kaye stopped dead in her tracks, unable to move one more inch. _Oh. My. God._

"Ranny!" called Celia, waving at him.

Kaye stood transfixed, taking in the skinny tall frame and long dark hair tied back, revealing a pair of **pointed **ears.

It was Rúmil.

Unable to stop herself, she sputtered, "You're dating an ELF?"

Celia poked her in the shoulder and shushed her. "Don't call him that, he's very sensitive. It's a body modification."

"Oh I'll bet."

The Elf dropped his rake and turned around expectantly, freezing as he caught sight of the girls. He watched in horror as Kaye was dragged the rest of the way, stopping a foot away from him. Celia was grinning silly, and kissed him hello on the cheek.

Kaye hit the ground with a thud.

.-.-.-.

"Wake up. Kaye, wake up."

She felt a faint slap on her cheeks and a sharp pain as she opened her eyes, finding Celia and Rúmil leaning over her. Troubledly she sat up and brushed off her clothes, finding grass clippings and leaves in her hair too. She blankly gazed up at the other two, waiting for them to speak.

"You're overreacting," said Celia.

"Am I?" asked Kaye. "How long has this been going on?"

"One week."

"And you didn't tell me--"

"I didn't know how you'd take it." Celia crossed her arms and gestured at Rúmil. "He's a bit older than us. I didn't think you'd react this badly."

"Try like thousands of years older!" Kaye said, jumping to her feet.

"Oh shut up, he's only 23."

Kaye broke out laughing, earning an evil look. "You're dating an Elf! And a crazy one at that."

"Stop it, I told you he's sensitive about his ears."

"He. Is. An. Elf. Another species in fact!"

Rúmil stepped forward and put his hand on her arm. "Kaye, please don't—"

"You two know each other?"

Kaye shrugged off Rúmil's arm, and glared at him. The three stared at each other a moment.

"Yes," she said hesitantly. "He lived in my closet for awhile."

"Till you evicted me," he snapped. "Now I have to live in the woods."

"You're a hobo?" asked Celia, wide-eyed.

"Yes," he said, confused. "Whatever that is."

"You poor thing!"

"Oh stuff it Rúmil," said Kaye. "Your kind are born in the woods."

"I was not! I am Noldorin, born in a house of stone in Valinor!" he said defiantly.

Celia's mouth dropped. "Valinor? Please tell me that's in England."

The pair shook their heads simultaneously, and Rúmil sighed. "I'm sorry, it's all true." He bowed in front of the other girl. "I humbly apologize for the deception, but Kaye would have killed me."

"Would not," she said. "I wanted to tell you girl, but things got way too complicated." She rolled up one of her sleeves, showing a white-red scar underneath the crook of her elbow. "I was nearly electrocuted when he blew up the microwave, blamed for destroying all of our household appliances, and nearly broke from replacing it all. I kicked him out during the summer."

"You have a bad temper," he said.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Enough," interrupted Celia. "If you two don't get along, then Ranny- I mean Rúmil should come live with me."

Kaye lost her composure, nearly passing out again. "No way in hell is he living with you. I won't unleash him on you."

"Since when am I your property?" he asked coolly.

"Since you walked into my yard, tried to shoot me, and claimed my house as your home."

Rúmil grunted, but the other girl interrupted, pointing to her watch. "Uh Kaye, we're going to be really late already. We need to leave now."

A look passed between the three, and the Elf threw up his hands. "Very well, depart my fair one."

Kaye bleched and turned away as he kissed Celia's hand, making her giggle. They whispered for a moment, but broke apart as Kaye marched diligently to the car, leaving Celia to catch up.

.-.-.-.

The turn signal clicked faintly as Kaye turned the corner with the car, driving home after school. Celia sat in the passenger's seat, frowning as she flipped through a voluminous text book.

"Ugh, I didn't expect this much work for senior year. You'd think they'd give us a break."

Kaye grimaced, glancing at the book. "No, they're going to work us nose to the grind stone till we graduate."

"Any idea where you're going yet?" asked Celia.

"Nope. I'm looking at somewhere on the east coast though."

"Wow that's far. Hey, stop here, drop me off," the other girl said. She pointed at a sign labeled, "Willow Lagoons Forest Preserve."

"Uh we're passing through the middle of the woods. Are you going camping? Oh no you're not—"

"Meeting Rúmil?" said Celia, grinning widely. "He asked me to meet him here."

Kaye pulled the car onto a gravel strip near the sign, and turned off the engine. "I'm going with you."

"Fine, but don't do anything to scare him off."

Ten minutes after the girl's arrival, Rúmil strolled out of the treeline nearby, stopping when he saw the car. For a minute, he looked ready to run away, but he came forward.

"Hello," he said shortly. "Follow me."

He led them through the dense underbrush of the woods, completely off path, into the middle of nowhere. When they had walked for ten minutes, they came upon a small clearing. In the center was a camouflaged A-frame tent, covered with a layer of branches, leaves, and dirt. He unzipped the front and ushered them in, moving things aside as they crawled in. One side of the tent was completely filled to the top with items, from library books to clothes and bottled water.

"Wow, quite a collection of books," said Kaye flatly. "You need to give those back, or you'll owe the library five hundred dollars."

Rúmil blanched. "But that'd be all of my money."

"You have five hundred dollars? What'd you do, rob a bank?"

"Ranny has been mowing lawns all summer," said Celia proudly.

"I'll bet that's not the only thing he's been mowing."

The elf turned red and pointed at Kaye. "Shut. You. Up-"

"Despite that," she said, turning to Celia. "He doesn't have enough money to live on this winter. Are you serious about letting him stay with you?"

"Yes, I have a nice big closet he can live in."

"Good," said Kaye brightly. "That keeps him off my hands. C'mon Mr. Thorpe, you're moving."

"That's _Lord _Thorpe to you," he sniffed, and started rummaging through his belongings.

"Celia," whispered Kaye, crawling out of the tent. "He likes to be called Rúmy."

"NO I DON'T!" shouted the Elf.

* * *

**A/N: **He's _baaacckk_! Just to orientate you guys: We're in the fall of Kaye's senior year in high school. Her friend Celia Moore was inspired by my best-friend Sicily Bean (fellow FFnet author).


	13. Thirteen: Elves and Skittles

**S/N: **In honor of the holiday, here is a special chapter! I wrote this up at work today, so forgive its quirkiness. Happy Halloween!

Chapter Thirteen: Elves and Skittles

"Hey watch it, you nearly spilled on my dress."

Holly eyed her sister and sidled away with the pitcher of cider, placing it carefully on the dinner table. A carved pumpkin sat in the center, encircled by decorations and dishes ranging from hamburgers to caramel apples. Fake spiders and confetti were littered among the plates and on the floor.

"It was your bright idea to wear white on a holiday filled with chocolate and sticky goods," retorted Holly, sticking out her tongue. It was blue.

Kaye rolled her eyes and hiked up her sleeves, tying them more securely. "I told you to wait till after the party to eat the candy. We won't have enough for the trick or treaters."

Suddenly the sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house, causing them to scramble for the living room. Waiting at the front door were Celia and Rúmil, both dressed in costumes. Kaye burst out laughing as she saw the Elf, earning herself a glare from both of the visitors. Rúmil was dressed in green, carried a quiver of arrows on his back, and was wearing a blond wig. Holly rushed forward and led them into the house, ignoring her sister who was doubled over laughing.

"I like it," she told the Elf.

"Celia—how…how did you get—him to go as LEGOLAS?" asked Kaye, gasping for air.

"With lots and lots of bribes," her friend answered matter-of-factly. "I wanted him to match, since I'm going as Arwen." Celia turned her head showing the tips of her ears, which were banded into points.

"I wanted to go as Rúmil," he said, sighing. "It's only fitting."

"No one knows who he is," quipped Kaye, passing them candy buckets. "And the less _authentic_ you are, the better."

"Where's your wig?" asked Celia. She pointed to the Kaye's red hair, which flowed loosely around her shoulders.

"You couldn't pay me to wear a wig."

Abruptly, the doorbell rang again, and this time four people were standing on the porch, all dressed up in costumes as well. A tall boy with medium length brown hair stepped into the house, followed by a blonde teenage girl, and two children Holly's age.

"Nice costume Todd," said Celia. "Very Aragorny."

Kaye eyed the blonde girl, taking in her eye patch and striped shirt. "Anne, I thought you were going to do a Lord of the Rings costume?"

The girl fussed with her pirate's hate and winked. "You know I prefer Pirates of the Caribbean." Everyone scowled or shook their heads. Anne suddenly pointed to Rúmil. "Who is he?"

Kaye froze a second. "That's my cousin, Ranford Thorpe."

"You make a good Legolas."

A short boy dressed as a dwarf and wielding an axe rushed forward, staring at Rúmil. He pointed at the Elf's ears. "Are those real?"

Rúmil laughed nervously. "Uh of course—body nod—er mod."

"Cool."

Seeking a distraction, Holly shoved a candy bucket into the boy's arms, "Here Sam." She passed another to the other child, her best-friend Julie, who was dressed as Frodo."

The girl grinned widely. "Remember Holly, you owe me twenty percent of your candy tonight."

Kaye raised an eyebrow. "Have you guys been gambling again?"

"Yes."

"No!"

.-.-.-.

The thin paths of light cut through the darkness, illuminating the pavement as the group ambled along. Todd patted his stomach and groaned, shifting his bucket to his other arm.

"I think I had too much dirt cake."

"I told you to wait till later," muttered Anne.

Holly hiked up the skirts of her Galadriel dress and ran forward with the other two children, all of them laughing.

"Race ya!"

"Hey, don't run ahead," Kaye and Todd shouted to their sisters.

The teenagers chased the children up to a house lit with orange lights and a huge fake spider on its front lawn. They all gasped for air as they reached the front lawn, ringing the doorbell expectantly. A haggard looking woman wearing a sweatshirt and cat ears opened the front door. She held out a large bowl full of M&Ms and Reese's Pieces. They all dug eagerly into it, grabbing several pieces each.

"Only two each," she growled. She eyed the teenagers warily. "Aren't you a little old to be trick or treating?"

"It's our last year of high school, give us a break," said Celia, dropping her candy into her bag.

The woman rolled her eyes and closed the front door, leaving them alone on the porch.

"Cranky pants, we should pull a trick on her," said Sam eagerly.

"Shush," said Todd, pulling the boy down the steps.

Later that night, when their buckets and bags were heavy with candy, they strode along a dark street, their pace considerably slow. The ring of harsh laughter met their ears from close by. The teenagers cautiously steered the group to the other side of the street. Several houses down, they found a group of five boys toilet papering a yard, two of them tossing rotten food at the patio. They were close in age or older than their group, and dressed in black costumes.

One of them caught sight of the group, and yelled, "Lord of the Retards!"

His group behind him laughed loudly. Kaye's friends shouted back.

"Wankers!"

"Stinky dumbface!"

"Douchebag!"

Their laughter ceased and the boys circled together, glaring at their group. A boy dressed as a vampire chucked a rotten egg at them. It hit Celia's dress, splattering across her hem. She choked back a cry and shook her dress loose, the yolk dripping down her front. Rúmil growled and strung his bow, loosing several arrows in succession at the boys. They yelped as they were hit or dove out of the way. One dressed as a ninja removed the suction cupped arrow from his forehead.

"Attack!" he screamed.

A flurry of eggs and rotten food came flying towards them, causing the girls to duck behind Todd, Sam and Rúmil The three dropped their buckets and grabbed their fake weapons, hurtling at the others. The girls drew their own, and rushed after them. The vandals picked up branches, flashlights, toilet paper or their weapons and ran forward. They clashed in the midst of the street, hitting their marks or parrying blows from the others. One of them dressed a ninja swung a plastic blade at Kaye, but she blocked him with her own replica movie sword. After a few minutes, she managed to break it in half, and struck the ninja in the butt, hard. He yelped and ran away from her. She joined the others, and two minutes later, the vandals all scurried down the street, yelling hysterically.

"We won!"

"You were pretty good for an amateur," said Rúmil to Kaye.

"Amateur?!" she said in disbelief. "You sir are the amateur."

"Are you willing to bet all of your Skittles on it?" he said slyly.

"Yes!"

"Very well, we battle back home."

"Look," said Anne, picking up bags of candy off the sidewalk. "They left their loot!"

Todd raised his sword in the air victoriously. "Remember this night, when we won the Battle of Meadow Lane."

They hurrahed in unison, and picked up their bags, returning home for the night.

.-.-.-.

The group sat in a ring around Kaye and Rúmil, who were poised in the middle of the circle, both holding pillows. A gigantic pile of betted candy lay nearby, comprised mostly of Skittles and Hershey bars. The girl and Elf started towards each other slowly, as if calculating every move the other would make. Kaye swung her pillow to the right, but it was blocked. He brought his pillow around and socked her in the head, but she took the opportunity to whack him in the stomach. The fight continued for fifteen minutes, until both were sweaty and their hands sore. With a mighty swing, Kaye caught him off guard and knocked him to the floor, jumping on top with her pillow. As she stood back up to declare victory, Rúmil socked her in the back, and rolled onto her, securely squishing her to the floor.

"Damn it!"

"I win!" he hollered, and leapt up, grabbing the Skittles.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

List of costumes: Holly (Galadriel). Celia (Arwen). Kaye (Éowyn). Rúmil (Legolas). Todd (Aragorn). Sam (Dwarf). Anne (Pirate). Julie –Todd's sister (Frodo).


	14. Fourteen: Aliens and Toilets

Chapter Fourteen: Aliens and Toilets

The vibrating sound grew in volume, until it was suddenly broken by a loud melody. The noise woke a sleeping Kaye, forcing her to fumble around on her nightstand. She snapped open the phone, and immediately heard a scream.

"KAYE!"

"Who is this? Celia?"

"My father found Rúmil!"

The phone went dead, and Kaye sat straight up in bed, alarmed. She rolled from underneath the covers and grabbed her hoodie and a pair of clogs. She hurtled silently down the stairs, trying not to make any noise. She barely missed stepping on her dog Eris. Quietly she snuck into the garage and started the car, speeding down the road once she was away from her house. As she pulled in front of a one story ranch house, she leapt from the car. Raised voices echoed from behind the building, and she walked through the back gate, stopping as she saw the scene.

Mr. Moore was holding a baseball bat and yelling at the top of his lungs, circling a large Oak tree. His wife was fumbling with the phone in her hands, and Celia was chasing her father around, crying. At the very top of the Oak tree sat Rúmil, staring down at the group fearfully. Kaye's heart plummeted into her stomach like a stone. How was she going to get him out of this? Gathering her courage, she stepped forward and raised a hand, saying a faint hello. The family froze and looked at her, but Celia's father did not take his gaze off the Elf.

"K—Kaye dear, what're you doing here?" asked Mrs. Moore.

"Celia called me," she said, gulping.

"Why?"

The air was pregnant with silence for several moments, as Kaye stared at her friend for help. Celia shook her head, her eyes full of worry.

"Erm…cause that's my cousin."

Mr. Moore turned his head, slightly lowering the bat. "Your cousin? What was he doing in my daughter's room?" he asked harshly.

"You'd have to ask her, but I assure you he intends no harm. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

_Just me_.

"Well he's trespassing. Take him away," said Mr. Moore, putting the bat on the ground. "Your mother will get an earful from me if she doesn't deal with him."

Kaye motioned upward to the Elf, causing him to slowly clamber down the Oak. At the bottom, he warily dashed around the Moores, over to her side.

"Don't worry," said Kaye. "I'll tell my mom. She'll whoop him good."

"How old are you boy?" asked Celia's father.

The Elf glanced nervously at Kaye, but remembered his subterfuge training. "Nineteen, milor—er—sir."

"Good, cause you'd have a bullet in your hind end if you were older," said Mr. Moore, glaring at the Elf.

Rúmil put a hand on his hip then backed away slowly, pulling on Kaye's sleeve. She sighed and turned around, waving goodbye to Celia. Both were silent in the car, not talking or looking at each other. Abruptly, Kaye stopped the car, pulling into an empty nearby lot.

She turned in her seat and looked darkly at the Elf. "Rúmil, what were you up to? What did I tell you about being careful? How can I get it through your thick skull that you cannot be cavorting about as you like? Society has standards; you have to fit in, whether or not you belong! What happened tonight?"

The Elf played with the door lever, as if preparing to open it for an escape. The door was automatically locked by the driver's side. He grimaced and faced her.

"Celia and I were talking—"

"Just talking?"

Rúmil turned red for a moment, sputtering out random words for a moment. "Yes uhm of course. Lord Moore must have heard us, for he came barging in, armed with that large stick."

"Baseball bat."

"Baseball bat. I hopped out of the window and climbed into the tree where he could not reach me. While he sought to kill me, Celia called you."

"That's it?"

"Aye."

"Because of your actions, I have to take you back," she said, raising a finger threateningly. "Remember that. Be on your best behavior, or we are through!"

She turned the keys in the ignition and started the car, pulling out of the lot. When they were one hundred feet away from the house, Kaye hit the breaks, frowning. Several windows on the lower and upper floors were lit up, including her mother's room.

"Oh shit. Mom's up." She unlocked the car door and unbuckled Rúmil's seat belt. "Get out now. Go through the back window. Quietly as possible."

The Elf nodded and leapt from the car like a cat, merging with the shadows on the street. Kaye pulled the car into the garage, her stomach tingling nervously as she left the car. The door to the house creaked as she swung it open, echoing throughout the still house.

"Kaye?" a voice called from the living room.

She peered around the corner of the hallway, and saw her mother sitting in the recliner by the television.

_Don't panic…don't panic._

"Hi mom."

"Can you tell me why you were outside on a school night at 1 am?"

"I was over at Celia's. She uhm needed me to get something." Kaye's knees turned into jelly, and she sat on the couch, as if drawn there by a magnet.

"I received an interesting call five minutes ago, from her mother. She said you picked up a British boy you claimed was your cousin. Now tell me Kaye, where is he?"

Almost inaudible, came a small yawn from the top of the stairs. She glanced upward towards the landing, and saw her sister watching them, along with Rúmil. Dropping her shoulders, Kaye motioned up to them.

"Guys, come down."

The pair slid mopingly down the stairs, and came to a stop in the center of the room. Holly held Rúmil's hand protectively as her mother stood and cautiously approached. She turned to Kaye.

"Why are we harbouring an illegal alien?"

"He's not—"

"—an alien," finished Rúmil indignantly. "I am an Elf!"

Kaye's mother raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Why are we harboring an escaped mental patient?"

"He's not that either mom. He's really an Elf, named Rúmil. His 'human name' is Ransford Thorpe. He came wandering into the yard about seven months ago, having fallen in a time warp or something to our world. He's from Middle-earth!"

"Valinor," interrupted Rúmil.

"Kaye, you do know how ridiculous this sounds," her mother said flatly. "I'm not going to believe some half-assed story that you made up on the spot."

"I'm serious mom. Holly knows about it too." Her sister growled at her, but she looked steadily at her mother.

Holly reached up and revealed Rúmil's ears, hidden beneath a baseball cap. She yanked on them hard.

"OW!"

Mrs. Thorn studied the three for a minute, and sat down wobbily. "I know when you're telling the truth. It's either that, or my precious daughters have both lost their minds."

Rúmil bowed lowed to her. "You have very fine children, milady. You must be proud."

"I am not a child," hissed Kaye.

Her mother put a hand on her forehead, and smiled at the Elf. "So where have you been hiding all this time?"

"In my closet. Then in the woods, and Celia's closet."

"Kaye," her mother said, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't let anyone sleep in just a closet, even Mrs. Grimp. He's going to take the extra bedroom for now."

Rúmil's eyes lit up and he nearly jumped off the ground. "Thank you milady Thorn."

"Go to bed, all of you. We'll see what we're going to do about this Elf in the morning."

.-.-.-.

The clinking of silverware emanated from the kitchen as Kaye turned the corner. To her surprise, she found her mother standing over the stove, making pancakes.

"Mom, why aren't you at work yet?" she asked groggily.

"I took the day off, and you are too. We have some things to figure out little lady."

"Like what?"

"About that Elf of yours. This is a very complicated matter, Kaye," her mother said, flipping a pancake. She looked at her daughter and smiled.

Suddenly, Holly and Rumil popped their heads around the corner, both sniffing the air.

"Whoa, mom and pancakes for breakfast," said Holly, grinning.

"Yes. Now grab some plates."

They all settled at the table with their food, eating eagerly. Rumil smirked at their mother, lifting his fork in the air.

"Milady Thorn, this is much better than Kaye's daily preparations."

Kaye swiftly kicked him under the table, directly in the knee. The Elf glared at her evilly, and stole the bagel off her plate.

"Hey!"

"I can see he learned quickly from you," said her mom, laughing. "He'll need that."

"For what?" mumbled Holly.

Their mother looked fixedly at the Elf. "If I had discovered you within the week you came here, I would've handed you over to the authorities. But they are fond of you and I have judged you harmless, since they know your character well. It is not a good sign that I uncovered the truth about you three. You must learn to lie low, and not attract attention to yourselves."

"I shall try my best milady," said Rumil, lowering his head.

"Call me mom."

.-.-.-.

"Are you sure this was the best idea?" asked Kaye.

"He seemed to have fun in the craft store," said her mother, chuckling.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

They knocked on the bedroom door, and it creaked open slowly. Rumil poked his head out and smiled.

"Come in."

They walked into the room, and immediately stopped in their tracks, flabbergasted. A panoply of colors filled the walls, which danced in the daylight streaming through the windows. Depictions of purple snow topped mountains, emerald green landscapes, white cities and silvery waterscapes were delicately painted on two sides of the room, the other was filled with entangled scenes of battles, lovers lost in the forests, and monumental moments in Elven history.

"Holy crap. How did you do this in a week?" said Kaye, staring dumbfounded.

"With lots of paint," he said, smirking.

"Let me guess, you used up the rest of your money."

He nodded slowly and shrugged. "It was a good investment."

"Mom," said Kaye mischievously. "Are you going to make Rumil pay rent?"

Her mother winked. "No, but he will have to take up his portion of the chores, like keeping up his room, doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom."

The Elf paled, the grin slipping from his face. "Please, do not make me clean the toilet. I have lost two hairbrushes to that monster."

Kaye raised an eyebrow. "Have you been using the toilet at all?"

"No."

"Then where have you been going?"

"In the yard, along with Eris and Lucky," he said blankly.

There was a faint thump, as Kaye's mother dropped to the floor beside her.

"Mom?"

.-.-.-.

Mrs. Thorn paced back and forth across the office floor, throwing her hands in the air.

"Kaye! How is he not toilet trained ?" shouted her mother. "He is a grown man- Elf- whatever."

"I didn't know," she said weakly. "He must've reverted after he lived in the woods."

"Well he better be trained by the end of the week, or he is out of this house. Imagine what the neighbors must think!"

Her mother shook her head and ushered Kaye out of the office, slamming the door behind her.


	15. Fifteen: Holey Turkey

**A/N: **No offense to British people!

Chapter 15: Holey Turkey

The leaves swirled down in a shower of red and gold, catching their hair as it blew out behind them in the wind. Kaye pulled her hat lower and glanced at Celia, whose hands were curled under the cuffs of her coat. She slid a hand into her pocket and pulled out the cold metal keys, fumbling for the right one. They hopped quickly into the silver hatchback, throwing their backpacks behind them into the backseat.

"Why is it so damn cold? It's not even winter yet," mumbled Kaye, as she started the car.

Celia rubbed her hands together and reached for the heater. "I don't know. Just warm it up fast."

The car pulled out of the school parking lot and made a turn onto the main road. Kaye briefly adjusted the radio, turning the volume high. As she reached back to the steering wheel, there was a sudden gasp and thunk from behind her. A brown haired head appeared in the rear view mirror, and a hand urgently grasped her shoulder. Kaye screamed loudly, jerking the steering wheel and hitting the brake in a single move. There was a thud as the figure's head hit her seat.

Rumil vigorously rubbed his forehead, wincing with pain. He glared at her from the rear view mirror. "Was such reaction necessary?"

Ignoring the honking horns behind her, Kaye pulled the car to the side of the road, and twisted in her seat. She grasped the Elf by the jacket collar, pulling him in her direction.

"What in the name of all that is holy are you doing in my car?"

"Sleeping."

"Liar."

He stared at her a moment, then shirked out of her grasp. "I was watching over Celia. She told me she was going to wage battle with a Mr. Tuttle in English class. I tried to gain entrance to your fortress, but none could be found."

Kaye shook her head and grabbed the steering wheel, pulling the car back onto the road. "No one gets in or out of our high school during the day."

" I said it was _like _waging a battle," said Celia, reaching for Rumil's hand. "He is an evil dictator."

"I will find a way in, and then he shall have no protection against my wrath," said Rumil. "This evil English man of yours."

"You're about as skilled as a hardboiled egg," laughed Kaye. "Even Holly manages to beat you up."

The car swerved as Rumil grabbed Kaye again.

A half hour later, Kaye managed to make it home; Rúmil restrained in the back of her car with her belt and the seat straps. She pulled into the garage and popped open the door, ignoring the muffled protests of Rúmil, whose mouth was stuffed with her hat. The house door opened, Holly bounding towards the car with a smile on her face.

"Can you give me a ride to Julie's house?"

"No," snapped Kaye, slamming the door shut. "Ride your bike."

"It's twenty five freaking degrees out, are you nuts?"

"Yes."

Holly smacked the car hood. "You're worse than mom."

"Look kiddo, I don't need this. I just got home and Mr. La La nearly got us killed."

Her sister crawled into the backseat, patting the Elf's head. "Poor thing, you're abused too, would you like a lollipop?"

.-.-.-.

Rúmil sprinted across the yard after Holly, his eyes wide and hair flying out behind him. He grabbed crazily at her hat and ran away, giggling hysterically. Holly stopped in her tracks, raising an eyebrow at Kaye, who was watching from the porch.

"I've told you before, giving him sugar is a bad idea," she yelled.

Holly rolled her eyes and took after the Elf, who suddenly clambered up a tree.

"C'mon give it back, I paid fifteen bucks for that."

He shook his head and climbed up farther, making a face at her. Both hands on her hips, she stared at him and raised her arms.

"If you do not, then I curse you Rúmil of Valinor, Ransford Thorpe, Elf, to freeze eternally into an ice cube."

As the Elf began to laugh his head off, small white flakes began to fall from the sky. They landed on the pair below, making Rúmil touch it quizzically.

"What is this?"

"Snow," said Kaye, open mouthed. "First of the season."

Rúmil dropped the hat and leapt onto the next tree, screaming. "Witch! Magic! Morgul!"

He vanished into the bare branches, a white curtain of snow falling behind him.

.-.-.-.

The snow poured down heavily and the wind struck hard against the windows. Kaye and Holly stared out the sliding back door, watching the motionless figure huddled beneath a tree. Several inches of snow already covered him, a pile sitting on his head.

"You have to talk to him. Get him in here," said Kaye.

"But it's freezing—"

"Look, that Elf is off his rocker and he won't listen to me after I tied him up. **Go!**" she said forcefully.

Grumbling, her sister plunged into the yard, running until she reached Rúmil. "Come inside."

He vacantly glanced up at her, frowning. "You said you wished for me to turn into an ice cube, thus I am trying, Madame Sorceress."

"I was kidding and I am not a sorceress, this was a coincidence."

She yanked on his arm, but he refused to budge. Holly pushed him from behind, causing him to fall face forward into the snow. Facepalming, Kaye walked out in her socks and took ahold of the Elf. She dragged him facedown across the pavement and into the kitchen, nudging him with her foot he moved.

"Fine, fine," he said, rolling onto his back.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Kaye, kneeling beside him.

"Sugar crash," whispered Holly.

"I would like a new hat."

"What?"

"No," said Kaye firmly. "You wear the one you have until Christmas. You're being silly if this is over a hat."

"And I cannot move so well, I am not used to frigid conditions," he mumbled.

Holly kicked Kaye in the shin. "I still love you Rúmil. I will buy you one tomorrow."

He sat up and looked at her strangely. "You are too young for me."

"Pervert. She meant as in family," said Kaye.

She pushed him backwards onto the linoleum, but he flipped with his hands onto his feet. They locked eyes for a moment, before she dashed wildly from the kitchen.

"However, I do not love Kaye!"

.-.-.-.

"Watch it," said Kaye, stepping aside.

Rúmil banged into the wall, causing him to yell and rub his nose. Kaye straightened his shirt compulsively and peered downward.

"Rúmil, you cannot wear those socks."

"Why?"

"They don't match, and they're holey."

He smiled oddly, sticking a foot in the air. "You humans have strange sacred objects."

"I said holey as in filled with holes. Why would you keep such things?" she asked impatiently.

"They're lucky."

"Change them."

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Fine, it's your funeral. Mom will kill you."

"That is illegal in this world too," he said.

The doorbell suddenly rang and he tripped down the stairs as Kaye pushed him towards the entrance. She pulled open the door, revealing her Aunt Cynthia, Uncle Richard, and their three children. Cynthia eyed Rúmil warily and shoved a casserole at Kaye.

"I thought your mother understood our no outsiders family rule at Thanksgiving," she said snidely. "Especially boyfriends."

Kaye turned red. "He's actually my mother's second cousin twice removed, and he's visiting from England."

"In that case," said Uncle Richard awkwardly. "Does your mom need help in the kitchen?"

"Loads!" said Kaye.

She ushered the two adults into the kitchen, then sprinted to the TV with her cousins. After Holly and her cousins had beat her at several games on the Wii, Kaye retreated to the kitchen to assist with dinner. An hour later they gathered around the dinner table, all staring hungrily at the food laid out. As Rúmil reached for the turkey fork, Kaye kicked him, hissing.

"Well I never," gasped Cynthia. "Before grace!"

"They don't have Thanksgiving in England," said Holly helpfully.

"Nor manners apparently."

They bent their heads, causing Rúmil to mimic them. He stumbled over the words of grace, quietly repeating his own version. "The Valar are good, Eru is great, now let me eat the turkey on the plate."

Kaye's youngest cousin Kyle picked up his fork, repeating Rúmil's words and sticking him in the side.

The Elf turned suddenly, grabbing it and tossing it in the air. "Your challenge is defeated!"

Open mouthed, the Thorns all stared at him.

"Elia you let a dangerous atheist in your house?" gasped Cynthia.

Shaking her head, Kaye face palmed, not looking at the Elf. Holly sat quietly shaking with laughter. Their mother Elia rolled her eyes and yanked her oldest daughter by the elbow.

"Take everyone to the guest room, I need to talk to your Aunt Cynthia _alone_."

Rúmil popped up, smashing the bowl of potatoes onto six year old Kyle's head. He raised a fork threateningly at the visitors. "None of these miscreants shall enter my sanctuary, or risk the wrath of my fork."

Cynthia stepped towards him angrily, causing the Elf to snap. Less than a minute later, the visiting family was laying face forward on the front lawn.

.-.-.-.

"He completely embarrassed us in front of your father's only living family," yelled Kaye's mother. "If he doesn't come out of that closet within thirty seconds, I am kicking him out of the house."

Kaye stepped back and walked to the closet, knocking softly. "Rúmil, I know you heard that."

The knob jiggled and the door cracked open. "Yes," he mumbled. "I am coming out of the closet."

Holly sniggered from the doorway, making Elia push her back. Rúmil stepped into Kaye's bedroom, clutching a stuffed rabbit named Baron Fuddles.

"I apologize, but never have I been as insulted as by the existence of humans such as those. May they all be eaten by Balrogs."

Mrs. Thorn stared at him blankly, then sighed. "I guess they did go overboard. However, anymore shenanigans and you're leaving. Kapiche?"

"Kaye peach."

.-.-.-.

The twelve year old catapulted onto Rúmil's bed, bouncing the mattress so hard the Elf rolled onto the floor. He sprang to his feet, a wild look on his face.

"What do you want?"

"It's Black Friday," said Holly excitedly.

He ungracefully pulled out of the blankets, eyeing Kaye evilly in the doorway. "What is this? Some sort of further event to worship Turkeys?"

"It's a shopping day with ridiculous sales," said Kaye.

"And this warrants waking up at 4 am?"

"Yes," said Holly, throwing socks and jeans at him."We're all going. Mom is not letting you stay in the house alone."

"Then what am I to do when you're off at the halls of education?" he asked, stomping his feet.

"You will be keeping your landscaping job. Now quit stalling and get those pants on."

An hour afterward, Rúmil found himself wandering the aisles of Target with Kaye, Holly, and their mother, arms and cart stuffed with items. The Elf had donned a Santa hat and carried several things, including appliances and clothes.

"Are you really going to buy all that?" asked Holly.

"Yes."

Kaye peered at the pile, poking at a box. "Do you even know what a crock pot is?"

"It cooks roosters?"

"No," said Kaye slowly. "You're thinking of a cock-"

Rúmil kicked Kaye in the rear end, causing her to stumble. "Shh, do not be so filthy."

Shaking her head, she walked further ahead, avoiding his feet. The Elf motioned to a sign that said, "Restrooms."

"I must use that," he said stoically, dumping his items onto Holly.

The girl fell over in a heap, watching angrily as he pranced towards the men's bathroom. Kaye helped her sister up and waited in front of the restroom door, bored. A minute later there was a high pitched scream. The door opened with a thwack and the Elf barreled out of bathroom, shrieking.

"It is possessed! The toilet is possessed!"

All of the store's nearby customers froze to stare at them, watching the Elf hightail towards the home section. It took Kaye ten minutes to find him, huddled beneath a desk, rocking slowly.

"Rúmil."

"Go away, you are not real."

"Rúmil."

"I said—"

Kaye pinched him, making the elf jump and hit his head. "Ow."

"Calm down."

Wide eyed he looked at her. "How can I? This store is evil."

"What you saw," said Kaye, yanking him by the arm. "Was an automatic toilet. It sensed your movements and flushed."

"So then it is alive? How can it stand eating poop?"

"No, just no."


	16. Sixteen: Family

**A/N: **I apologize for the long awaited update to D.A.R.K. Unexpected events entered my life in the form of a full time job, repeated European trips, and my engagement! If you notice any differences in my original humor, it's probably due to the time I've spent in the Netherlands (the Dutch have a unique sense of humor). As usual, this story is for fun and not seriousness. I plan on writing Rúmil for as much as possible.

* * *

**Sixteen: Family**

The setting sun cast long shadows on the walls around her. It crossed into her line of sight, blinding her over the monitors' edges. Kaye reached for the blinds, pausing to stare out the window. Red and blue patterns flickered on the house fronts, emanating from the street corner. A shrinking pillar of smoke billowed beyond the rooftops and the lights. She shrugged and lowered the blinds, shutting out the view. A slamming door resounded downstairs, grabbing her attention. Loud barking accompanied scrambling sounds.

"Who is home?"

"Ow! Down puppy!" said Rúmil. "I am!"

Glancing at the clock, Kaye called him up the stairs. "You missed dinner. Lucky for you, mom is not home. She's at Holly's game."

The Elf removed his hat and trudged into the bedroom, eyes lowered. He removed his coat, and a strange smoky odor reached her nose.

"Elia still has me on curfew?"

"Probably for the rest of your life," said Kaye. "Well her life. Where were you? You smell awful."

"Work."

"What were you doing there?"

"Work." Rúmil gulped hard. "I was fired though."

Kaye glared at the Elf until he met her eyes. His expression remained grim. An ominous expectation rose in her mind.

"Why?"

"There was a fire at work."

"What?"

"At the Henderson house. We were only burning leaves."

"Only leaves?"

"The garage caught on fire."

"WHAT?"

"I didn't do it!" he said indignantly. "Mr. Thompson blamed me for not calling him, so he fired me."

"Are you sure you didn't cause it?" asked Kaye. "It's a strange coincidence."

He placed his hands on his hips. "Hey! I might have started the fire in microwave and toaster, but I am not ignorant enough to burn buildings down."

"You caused _other_ fires! We're not telling Mom about this."

"Good idea," he said. "You'd never find my body. Where can I hide these clothes?"

"You could flush them down the toilet?" suggested Kaye, smirking.

"Can I?"

"No. Just dump them in the garbage out back."

She breathed deeply and she returned to her desktop computer, trying to soothe her nerves. She flipped internet windows open, clicking repeatedly. A face suddenly appeared next to hers, causing Kaye to jump. She slammed the mouse button, blanking the computer screen. Her cheek slammed into his, making him bend away.

"Watch the nose."

"Don't sneak up on me," said Kaye, trying to nudge him away. "What did you do with the clothing?"

Rúmil raised an eyebrow, reaching for the mouse. "What were you doing?"

She forced him away with brutal strength. He clung onto the cord, pulling it away with him. His fingers clicked the buttons sporadically, causing windows to pop across the screen. Kaye attempted to pry the mouse away, pulling his hand away inch by inch. He twisted backwards, dragging the computer across the desk, the mouse cord popping out. Surrendering, Kaye released her hold on his neck. A series of internet windows sprawled open, presenting websites from European universities. The Elf stared at them, absorbing every visible line.

"What is the British University Bureau?"

"It's where you apply for colleges in the United Kingdom," said Kaye flatly.

"Who is applying there?"

"I am."

"Why?" asked Rúmil, handing her the mouse.

"None of your business."

"You're bossy today."

The girl collapsed in her chair. "I can't help it. I didn't want anyone to know."

"Are we moving to the United Kingdom?" he asked, smiling. "I believe Lord Tolkien lived there—"

"We are not. No one is yet," she said astutely.

"When are we?"

"Never. Rúmil, there is no _we_. I cannot spend the rest of my life with you. You have Celia now. She can be your future."

He crossed his arms. "I care for her very much, but she refuses to let me use her hair brush, eat her dessert, or sleep in her closet."

"Don't you sleep with her?"

"Yes, but she doesn't want to sleep in the closet," he said. "I don't want to lose my best friend. It's why I came back after that fight."

"Which one?"

He made a face and Kaye raised her hands. "Ok I know which one. Rúmil, I am not going to be your roommate forever. That only happens to people who date."

"Much as I care for you, I can't do that," said Rúmil. "You attacked me the first time we met."

"With _acorns_. You tried to shoot me with an arrow!"

"Not you, the evil Nokia cellphone," he quipped.

"Either or," she said, smiling. "To me, you're like my mom's Uncle Al."

"How gracious. That man worked as a clown for thirty years and stole lawn ornamentation."

"He had the second largest collection of plastic flamingos in the United States. He appeared in Newsweek."

"I am not like Uncle Al," he said, crossing his arms.

"Rúmil friends can be for life, even across distances."

"I don't have my friends from Valinor."

"You said you never had friends, even back home."

"True." He sighed. "I may forgive you. If you can guarantee to be my friend no matter what."

Kaye paused, tapping her foot. "I will. You can still get in trouble too. Just don't try something like eating the dogs again."

"I never—oh wait never mind."

.-.-.-.

"Kaye. Kaye. Kaye. Kaye. Kaye. Kaye."

The bed shook, sending the semi-unconscious author rolling across the bed. Kaye slammed a pillow over her head, blocking out the noise. Rúmil fell over backwards, hitting the floor with a thump. He yanked at the blanket, dragging it away. Kaye squealed at the cool air, and lurched over the bed side. The Elf refused to let go, rolling atop the blanket.

"Rúmil, it's cold."

"You are getting up!"

"Why?"

Rúmil rolled onto his side, smiling ear to ear. "Merry Christmas, Kaye. Santa the Maia came last night."

Groggy, Kaye slid to her feet and rubbed her face. "Santa is not a Maia. He's a folk tale figure."

"Santa looks like Gandalf."

"No he doesn't."

"Who put my presents under the tree?" asked Rúmil. "Did someone break into the house?"

"Those are from us."

Rúmil woke the household, shepherding them downstairs. He tore through a large pile of gifts before the others finished. A bicycle and books stood unveiled in the center of the living room. The Elf gleefully spun the wheels and pedals, mesmerized by the shiny spokes.

Elia pointed at the piles. "Rúmil, half of these are your birthday presents for next week."

He peered over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes. "How did you know?"

"You talk in your sleep," said Holly. "I can hear it through my wall."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do. How else would I know you dropped Kaye's house keys in a sewer last month?"

"I fell," he said, shrugging.

"Don't lose your bike key," said Elia.

The Elf smiled eagerly. "Then I may keep this transportation device?"

"Of course," replied Kaye. "We bought it so you could stop trying to steal my car."

"But Santa sent a certified letter to Holly, stating I was naughty and needed to give her my presents."

"Holly, that's mean," said Elia.

The younger girl peered over a box, and shook her head. "It was a joke! If he took it seriously, I am willing to take it anyway."

She reached for the handle bars, grinning eagerly. Rúmil growled, clutching the bike wheel possessively. When she edged closer, he lunged protectively over the bike. Holly fell over in shock, hitting the floor.

"Bad Elf!" she exclaimed.

"Bad teenager!" retorted Rúmil.

.-.-.-.

The Elf let out a loud yawn, and stared thoughtfully at the table in front of him. A large chocolate sheet cake covered with thick fudge sat atop a frilly platter. A lit candle shone merrily from its center.

"Happy birthday dear Rúmil, happy birthday to you!"

Holly continued in an exaggerated and cracking voice. "How old are you now? How old are you now? How old are you now—"

"I refuse to answer that question," said Rúmil, pointing at her.

"It's part of the song," she said, rolling her eyes. "I don't know the rest."

"Blow out the candles," said Elia.

The Elf sucked in a lungful of air, and blew at the candle. Immediately he picked up his fork, sinking it into the frosting.

"Let me cut it," said Kaye. "It's easier to eat that way."

"I can eat my cake whole," he said warily.

"Well we don't want to," said Kaye. "It's easier in pieces."

Rúmil pointed at the writing on the cake, "Happy ?th Birthday Rúmil!"

"My name is on the cake. It is my birthday. I can eat it as I wish."

"Usually the birthday person likes to share their cake," said Elia.

"My name is upon it; therefore all of it should be mine." He stared at her wide-eyed. "This cake is a lie."

Elia reached for the platter, but Rúmil blocked her hands. A second later, his face splattered into the fudge frosting. His head bobbed up and down, his mouth chewing at the center.

"Hey!"

Elia chopped the surviving quarter, wresting it from the Elf. He surfaced for air, but Holly pushed his face back into his portion and held it down. He blubbered against the frosting, and chewed his way free.

"You're a mean Elf."

Rúmil grabbed at the girl, pushing her screaming into the cake. He pawed at the frosting on his face, sliding it into his mouth.

"I am not as mean as Kaye," he said, mumbling through the fudge. "She is running away to Europe."

Holly struggled to sit up, staring at her sister. "Huh?"

"I'm not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"I'm not running away. I'm applying to schools there," answered Kaye.

She stuffed a bite of cake into her mouth, blocking any further answering. Gaping at her daughter, Elia slid her plate away.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Kaye glanced furtively at the head of the table. Rúmil and Holly gleefully shared the remainder of the ruined cake, scooping with their bare hands. Elia rolled her eyes, and smiled.

"Ah, no wonder."

.-.-.-.

The flickering picture on the television switched from a commercial to the news reports. A slimy looking journalist droned for several minutes, losing Kaye's interest. She read the scrolling weather bar below him, waiting for him to stop. The screen changed again, a brunette woman appearing. The familiar voice spoke steadily, with a slight flare to catch viewer attention.

"Thanks Mark. Now, for a breaking news story from Greenwood. Here's to you Phil."

Kaye smiled at her mother's image, turning the volume higher. The broadcast switched to an outdoor view, of a reporter huddling on a frosty street. The man spoke a moment later, indicating a damaged building nearby.

"Thanks Elia. I am on scene at the Shady Acres Hotel, where a fire broke out not too long ago. Before firefighters arrived, two people were trapped on the second floor. An unidentified man rushed through the inferno and got them out within minutes. Witnesses say it was the most heroic thing they've ever seen."

The camera swung to a stout old woman, who waved at the camera. "It was crazy. All of a sudden, this tall masked guy ran into the building. He brought 'em out and ran off without saying nothing."

A small boy appeared on screen, wrapped in a blanket. "He saved me! He had pointy ears!"

"We were overwhelmed by the smoke," said his mother next to him, patting his head. "I got a look at the guy before he left. He had long brown hair and an old time costume. Sort of like Legolas in Lord of the Rings. Bow and arrows too."

The reporter chuckled. "Are you saying you were saved by Legolas?"

"Yes," exclaimed the boy.

"Well of course not," said the woman. "But he looked pretty damn close."

Smiling, the reporter nodded at the camera. "So there you have it. Two people saved by a masked Legolas. Back to you, Elia."

Kaye's mother appeared on screen again, gaping open mouthed at the camera lens. She struggled for her voice, smiling painfully.

"Now, for sports," she croaked.

The couch fabric rolled tightly into fistfuls beneath Kaye's fingers. She wheezed, trying to intake more air. She fumbled for the remote, muting the tv. A small ding reverberated in the silent living room. She reached for her cell phone, trying to remain calm. She flipped it open, finding the blinking text message indicator.

'555-0001: Mom: WHERE IS THE ELF?'

'555-1112: Kaye: He left three hours ago.'

'555-0001: Mom: Lock in room when gets home.'

"Uh oh."

She sat still for a moment, attempting to foresee the Elf's course of action. He would likely beat her mother home, and try to hide. Kaye wandered into the kitchen, snatching cookware from the cabinets. She labored for an hour, cooking a roast, potatoes, and cookies. She slid the tray from the oven, breathing in the chocolate aroma. Turning towards the cooling rack, she jumped out seeing Rúmil standing behind her. He flipped on the oven light, staring greedily at the baking food.

"Stay away from that," she said.

She removed the oven mitts, and shook a fist. He warily stepped away, eyeing the cooling baking sheet nearby.

"May I have a cookie?"

"Yes."

Eager, he reached for the desert and stopped. Frowning, he glared at her.

"Why are you letting me eat sugar before dinner?"

She pretended to be interested in the cooking roast, looking away. "No reason. I got home late."

"Oh."

Rúmil grabbed three cookies, crushing them into his mouth. After swallowing the third, he smirked happily.

"Did you just get home?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Is that why you're wearing a trench coat?"

"Trench coat?" He gazed at the oversized floor length garment, which gathered lumpily over his frame. "I was uh—at job interviews."

"Sounds like a boring day."

"No—yes. Very boring searching for jobs."

She picked up a cookie, munching it thoughtfully. "Did you find anything good?"

Rúmil fidgeted, taking another cookie and not biting it. His fingers chipped at the crust, not meeting her gaze.

"I found a…job with the city."

"Really? Doing what?" she asked, her voice filled with false sincerity. "You smell a little funny, like you were doing something other than that. It smells like air fresheners and smoke."

He tilted his head, fingers clenching. Their stares locked, neither moving. Rúmil stuffed the cookie into his mouth, studying her stance. He bolted for the kitchen entrance, but crashed to the floor beneath Kaye. She clawed at the coat, revealing the Legolas costume and pinning his arms. The remains of the cookie spewed from his mouth, splattering onto the tiles.

"I call shenanigans," she hissed.

"I am!" he yelled. "I save people."

Kaye growled. "You're not a cop or a firefighter."

"How do you know?"

The girl yanked at his back, feeling the lump from his quiver of arrows. "Because you were on television."

"Super Rúmil was on TV?" he asked, slowing his struggle.

"No, _Super Legolas _was on TV," said Kaye. "On mom's news station no less."

The Elf yelled in reaction, and began to squirm again.

"It was Holly's idea!"

A thud echoed from the front of the house, followed by rushing steps. The tall form of Elia Thorn appeared over them, radiating anger in her purple pant suit. Rúmil kicked the floor, his panic growing. She rolled her eyes, entering the kitchen with caution. Reaching for a frying pan, she swung it in the pair's direction, narrowly missing Kaye. It met the back of the Elf's head with a clang, his body falling limp. Her daughter screamed.

"Mom!"

Elia grabbed Rúmil's wrist, nudging the girl away. "Relax, he's not dead."

Shaking her head, Kaye nudged the Elf with her foot. "Are you going to—"

"No. Help me get him up. We're going to solve this once and for all."

"Are we dumping his body?"

"Something better."

.-.-.-.

"It's minor. You can't see where I hit him."

The grey eyes snapped open, and the Elf whipped his head around. He shivered, rolling over on the couch. The forms of Kaye and Elia appeared before him, reclined on chairs beside him.

"Wakey wakey," said Kaye.

He gazed at Elia in alarm. "You assaulted me!"

The woman raised her fingers, pinching them together. "Only a bit."

Rúmil's ears twitched in indignation, and he froze. The Elf gazed cross eyed at the plastic glasses perched on his nose. His hands snapped to his scalp, trailing in confusion over the short crew cut. Rúmil let out a blood curdling shriek, leaping off the couch.

"Where is my—what did you do?"

"This is what you're going to look like from now on," said Elia. "We shaved your hair off and mailed it to a charity for bald people."

"But _I'm _bald."

"Are not," quipped Kaye. "I left a good amount of your hair."

"Why?" he asked, lowering his head.

"I am covering our behinds," said Elia. "I do not want any more public charades. I found someone to provide you with identity papers. You will have more freedom, but more responsibility. Kaye too."

"I was Super Rúmil," he mumbled.

"Not anymore. We burned all the clothes and buried your fake arrows." Kaye smiled helpfully at him, but failed.

"I don't want either of you to stop being who you are. But you need to protect yourselves. Please do it for your family."

Rúmil raised his head. "Family?"

"Us silly."

"I like that very much."

"Welcome to the family officially, Mr. Ransford Thorpe."


End file.
